Like the sun and moon, daytime and nighttime, and the yin-yang—some opposites are just made for each other.
They give each other balance and are the reason they can properly function. Without one another, they just wouldn’t be the same.
Ironically, this also applies to human interaction. Sometimes opposites are needed to function, but the balance between human relationships is much more complex than the natural balance of elements. Opposites attract—yes that’s true—but it’s not without difficulty.
One of the most common forces of attraction that comes with trouble is when an introvert and extrovert fall for each other. Two opposite worlds collide. But with the right balance of each other’s differences, you can create a beautiful equilibrium.
When an extrovert ends up with an introvert, it can be frustrating to get the balance down at first. Just know that even when it feels like it may not be working out, sometimes all it takes is time.
Here are a few feelings you may have dealt with if you’re an extrovert dating an introvert:1. You want to branch far out to explore new adventures, but they want to stay close to their comfort zone.
What seems to be the number one problem in introvert/extrovert relationships is the difference between motivations. The extrovert wants to live on the edge, try new things, see new places, and meet new people. While the introvert likes to go to the local bar they’ve grown to love, or just do something low-key. It may be frustrating but the extrovert must accept the introverts needs if they care about them.
It can be really hard for people to break out of their shell, but this comfort in a relationship comes with time. And you may even be pleasantly surprised of what the introvert may want to try.
2. You feel like you’re giving too much and they’re not giving enough.
This is one of the hardest obstacles to deal with. While one person might pour their emotions out and wear their heart on their sleeve, the other bottles it up and hides away from the world. This creates an emotional disconnect. The extrovert can be easily led to believe they are giving their all to the relationship and not receiving enough in return from the introvert. Patience and understanding is key.
3. It’s like pulling teeth to open each other up.
With the introvert's bottled-up emotions, sometimes it can be a difficult task to pry them open. It is known that extroverts thrive off venting, while introverts would rather ponder their thoughts with alone time. This disconnect between two people in a relationship can leave the extrovert feeling lonely and the introvert feeling pressured. Sometimes it results in both completely shutting the other out.
The best thing to do is address it ahead of time and work out a communication plan. Give each other a specific amount of venting time so that it’s equally balanced. This will allow for the introvert to open up, while the extrovert won’t over-pour.
4. You may not always be on the same page.
And this is perfectly OK. You don’t always have to be on the same page, but you must always read a page from each other’s book. It is normal to not understand each other, and that’s fine because as time goes on and you get to know each other better, that will blossom naturally. It’s the patience, understanding, love, compassion and acceptance that will successfully lead you to that point.
5. You handle dealing with emotions differently.
While these differing personalities may balance each other out, sometimes they can clash. If one person is an emotional wreck, and the other rarely shows emotion, you must learn to accept that about the other person before you decide to commit. You can’t punish the other person for their emotions and how they handle them. Acceptance is important.
6. The significance of alone time.
Alone time is so important, no matter how extroverted you are. This obviously comes easy to the introvert and may frustrate their partner, but when it comes to stress and anxiety, alone time can be good for mental health and personal well-being. And most importantly, good for a relationship. You know what they say—absence makes the heart grow fonder.
What’s difficult about dealing with this is realizing the point of which is too much seclusion of the introvert. It is important for the extrovert to give them space, yet make sure they are not feeling neglected. It’s a difficult balance for sure.
7. Sometimes confrontation is good, but sometimes it’s bad.
Confrontation is a tricky subject when it comes to this type of relationship. When conflicts arise, just like all other relationships, you must handle them carefully. When people have similar personalities, it’s easy for them to learn how the other responds to conflict situations because they know the feeling. In introvert/extrovert relationships, the difference in how they respond to situations takes time to get used to.
Sometimes confrontation can be healthy for the introvert, but sometimes it breaks them in a way that forces them to isolate and bottle-up even more. Managing this balance with compassion and understanding is really all you can do.
8. It is important to handle confrontation lightly.
According to eHarmony, the solution to handling conflicts is to “take a page from the other’s playbook.” The article stresses the fight-or-flight instinct of the introvert when the extrovert may go into attack mode.
“Extroverts tend to be “confrontive” copers, while introverts are more likely to withdraw at the first sign of conflict. This can leave introverts feeling harassed, and extroverts feeling stonewalled.” It is recommended to count to ten, calmly and respectfully, before raising issues. “A raised voice will likely make it harder for an introvert to listen to what you are saying; her fight-or-flight instincts will be aroused. Introverts need to understand that locking horns can be a sign of respect, and even love.”
9. Compromising is key.
Opinions, wants and needs are all bound to clash at some point in a relationship, because, well, nobody is perfect. But with an introvert/extrovert relationship, compromising is the key to success. You can agree to disagree without breaking each other down.
10. Respect their space, but don’t give in to neglect.
According to Psychology Today, one of the most important tips for the extrovert dating an introvert is to respect their rights, but never give up your own.
“Being respectful of your partner’s needs, however, does not let them off the hook for respecting yours. You are entitled to say sometimes, “It’s important to me that you come to this party,” or, “I understand that you need solitude, but it’s not OK with me for you to spend every evening alone in your man cave. We have to find a compromise." And compromise is a two-way street.”
