"There is a difference between kindness and love.”
One day a friend said this to me and it's like the light-bulb was on. She explained how people like her and I constantly give love away. We give and give and give so much that at some point we don’t even have enough love for ourselves. When this happens, we are prone to negativity and almost prone to getting hurt.
People like me constantly give away love on a daily basis. We want to give, and help, and make people feel happy. We associate love, sometimes with feeling like we constantly have to give a certain type of it. But sometimes we are giving away love to people who don’t deserve it, and then we get nothing in return. Those people think we will move on to the next person and always have love to give away. The thing is, we don’t.
“Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking.”
It’s hard to be a happy person when you are constantly around negative people. My friend reminded me that it takes a while to get back up when we’ve been sucked dry. You just have to start somewhere.
- Acknowledge you don’t want to feel this way anymore. This is a tough one sometimes. But we need to realize that you don’t deserve to be around people who treat you horribly or around so much negativity that it makes you even dislike yourself more. The first step is acknowledging that it’s around you and that it needs to change.
- It’s okay to cut people out that draw negativity. It’s not because you don’t care about them, but because you need to step away a little bit because you feel uncomfortable or unwanted. Still be kind, and love them for them but there is nothing wrong with distancing yourself. Sometimes we have to cut the negative people out of our lives for our own sake. It’s scary to drift away from people that were once your whole hearted comfort, but now that they aren’t, you have to distance yourself, and that’s okay.
- Do little things that make you happy. If that means getting your favorite coffee every morning because it gives you a smile for the first time that morning, then do it. If that means distracting yourself and baking cookies because it calms you, then do it. Love a certain TV show or Movie series? Set a time every week to watch one once a week. Do you love to run!? Make sure you get the chance to do that every week! Don’t stop doing the things that make you happy because you’ve been constantly around so much negativity. Make sure you have the time to do the things that you love and that make you feel good about not only life but yourself too.
- Appreciate those little things. It could be as small as someone holding the door open for you as you go somewhere, someone asking how you are doing, finding a lost necklace you’ve been searching for…etc. Take those little positive things and realize that they exist. Appreciate them.
- Find the people who are reaching out to you, and want to be with you. There are more than you think. The ones that are coming up to you and asking how you are doing, the ones who include you when they go to dinner with friends and want you to come, the ones who text you to go get ice cream or lunch, the ones that see you crying and take you out that night….stick with them. Stick with the people that not only make you happy but make you feel good about yourself. Just text them and ask them to go get coffee. Reach out to them.
- Trust your gut. If you feel unwelcome or some sort of unease…listen to it. There have been times in my past where I’ll get a feeling I don’t like being around a certain person and I’ll try to get to know them before judging that gut feeling. It has always turned out to be right. You get your gut feelings for a reason….trust it. It’s trying to tell you something.
- Look forward to something. Make a list of some exciting and postive things that are coming up. Hang it up by your mirror or somewhere you can see it everyday. That way you’re looking at things that will make you happy and you’ll have things ahead of you that you know are positive. Like a concert, or sisterhood retreat for your sorority, fall break, seeing your family again soon, your birthday, a formal, etc. When we have something to look forward to that’s positive and exciting, we aren’t set in our funk of negativity.
- Go outside, get some air. I know this sounds very simple, but sometimes you need a breath of fresh air to release negative energy. Bring your book, or your guitar and play outside. Getting away from all that negative energy in a certain place is a big step. Go outside, find somewhere you feel comfortable and try to relax. Hey, even go to a coffee shop you love, or somewhere else besides your room where you feel trapped.
- Value yourself. Remember that YOU control your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions. The more you know and realize that, the less someone else can control them because you’re aware. Focus on the opinions and thoughts people have towards you that have a POSITIVE effect. Make those more known in your head, not the negative ones.
- Choose yourself. I know this is difficult but focus on yourself and what you NEED to make yourself be happy. If that means distancing yourself from people, or changing something you’ve been doing…then do it. Remember that you have a choice to be around negativity or not. I know sometimes we feel we will be hurting people in the end, but you have to remember that this is your life, your healthy state of mind, and your happiness. Sometimes we have to think for ourselves.
