To be in love with someone who stops loving you back is a weird feeling. It isn’t something that can be easily described either. The one thing I can compare it to is when we were little kids and someone didn’t like us, we didn’t understand why. How do you fall out of love with someone? The wording itself doesn’t make sense. To fall out of love, what does that entail?
I can’t tell you to be honest, I have no answer for that question. If I had the answer, I wouldn’t be feeling this physical ache in my chest that longs for the person that I have lost. I probably wouldn’t be sitting here writing this if I had the answer.
But the truth is, I’m not sure if I could handle the answer. I’m a self-proclaimed hopeful romantic and knowing why people fall out of love, well that would make me hopeless. I believe that love is a strong, powerful force. I don’t want to believe people fall out of love. You don’t just fall out of love with someone for no reason if you truly loved them, to begin with.
Regardless of why people stop loving others, those of us that stop being loved, we must deal with it. And that is really what this is going to be about: dealing with the fact that the person we love, doesn’t love us anymore.
It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, I know it feels impossible at first. But I promise you, you can and you will get through it.
Here are some things I have learned through my pain and torture of learning that someone I love, doesn’t love me anymore.
1. Crying doesn't make you weak.
Sometimes, you have to cry it out. When you don’t have the words to speak, cry. Yell if you have to, scream at a pillow, do whatever you need to do to get your emotions out. Don’t let it all bottle up inside of you.
2. Try out a new POV.
Look at this new situation in a new perspective. Look at this hardship as a way to grow stronger and focus on yourself. Let me say this is not easy, at all. It takes time to get there but you can do it.
3. Friends are essential.
Surround yourself with friends and family, and lean on them. They are your support system and they will show you how strong you are, even when you can’t see it yourself. All their advice, listen to it and remember it. You may not accept everything they are saying right away, but it will come in handy when you’re ready for it.
4. Don't look back.
Yes, it may be hard not speaking to the person you probably still love. But it’ll be better to cut off the communication until your feelings aren’t in that extreme emotional state. They chose this decision and it sucks that you have to deal with it, but don’t try to convince them into staying. You don’t deserve someone that won’t fight for you.
5. Get rid of the idea.
Do anything and everything you need to do to get them out of your head. Don’t think about what other people say or think about your actions, you’re doing them for you, not them. If that means giving everything back or throwing it away, do it. If that means unfriending them on all social media platforms and deleting old pictures, do it. You need to do what is best for you.
6. Cry. Then take a step forward.
Take the time you need to sulk and grieve, but eventually get up. Make yourself busy. Go out and meet new people or spend time with people you haven’t seen in a while. Take your mind off the person that doesn’t deserve you and all the amazing qualities you possess.
7. Learn how to be happy for you.
Do things for yourself, be selfish. Say yes to too many things then prioritize what’ll make you happy. Treat yourself to nice things and do what you haven’t done in so long.
8. Get back out there.
Even when you aren’t ready. Go out and let people compliment you. Even if you aren’t ready, it will feel good to know others are interested and you won’t be alone forever.
9. Get into a routine.
Go to the gym, do your school work, ask for more hours at your job. Do productive things every day. Learn how to live your day to day life without that person.
10. Speak out loud.
Finally, once you’ve gotten to a better place, say this to yourself:
“no more tears, because I didn’t lose you. You lost me.”
Believe it, because you got through it.
It will be hard. I won’t say it’ll be easy because it can be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But you will reach the other side and you will be happy again. You can do it, no matter what you think now, this will pass.
