When it comes to eating disorders, there is so much stigma and many myths surrounding them. People can say insensitive things without even realizing it, and this needs to change. Here are 10 things that should never be said to people suffering from this life-threatening disorder:

1. “You’re so skinny!”

When saying this, your heart may be in the right place, but in doing so, you are validating their actions. Them thinking that people are noticing their weight loss and what they are doing is working, only fuels their disorder.

2. “I wish I had your willpower!”

No, you don’t. This is the opposite of willpower. People with eating disorders are slowly killing themselves and have no control over these unhealthy actions. This is not a diet, it is life threatening. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.

3. “You look healthier.”

When someone is recovering from anorexia or bulimia, they may begin to gain weight if they were underweight due to their disorder. Weight restoration may be one of the hardest parts of recovery for some people. Saying that they look healthy is telling them that you noticed their weight gain, which can bring them a few steps back. Even though it is a good thing, sometimes people with eating disorders think that if people think they are physically healthy, that they’ll think they are mentally too, which means they will lose their support. Being physically healthy does not equate to being mentally okay.

4. “It’s shallow being obsessed with your weight.”

While some eating disorders can start out as a way to fit into jeans or look “hotter” in a bikini, it really can have nothing to do with weight. In most cases, it comes from a place of self-loathing that gets interpreted as hatred for their body. It can also be a way of coping with other mental disorders, stress, or traumatic events. It is more than just wanting to be thin to look “good”.

5. “It’s no big deal- everyone can be insecure!”

This is far more than being a little insecure or shy. Yes everybody has felt discomfort with their bodies or themselves, and that is unfortunate, but that does not compare to the pain that someone with an eating disorder feels. They punish and neglect their bodies, they can spend hours staring in the mirror, breaking down. They weight themselves multiple times a day. Nothing compares to this sick feeling of never being good enough.

6. “It is all because of thin models and Barbie dolls.”

While yes, the unrealistic expectations and poor representation of all body types in the media can contribute to an eating disorder, they are not in any way the cause of the disorder. This illness in a way of coping with emotions or other mental illnesses. They sometimes can have nothing to do with wanting to look a certain way.

7. “Why don’t you just eat that? You’re beautiful, don’t worry about it!”

It’s a lot more complicated than “just eating that”. Until you have gone through this yourself, you have no right to say that.

8. “I shouldn’t eat this./That’s unhealthy./Good job with your meals today.”

Do not ever talk about food. Just don’t do it. Drawing attention to food we are eating, have eaten, or you are eating only makes an issue worse. Also if they eat something “unhealthy”, it can be a big step and an anxiety producing process, so do not make them feel worse than they already do. We can’t stop thinking about food, so when we do or if we are doing well, don’t comment, even if you mean well.

9. “I overeat all the time- I probably have that too lol”

Binge-eating is MUCH more than just eating a lot sometimes, or being sad and having ice cream. It is scary, uncontrollable, and very dangerous. People who binge eat can consume an entire box of cookies, or a whole batch of muffins in one sitting to cope with their emotions. It is not “loving food” like most people, it is having a very unhealthy relationship with food.

10. “Losing weight is easy- just eat healthy and exercise.”

Ok great thanks for the advice, but like I have said many times, eating disorders are not diets. The goal isn’t really weight loss, a lot more goes into it.

If you know someone who suffers from an eating disorder, please try and ask them what they need from you when they need support. If you have an eating disorder, while these sayings can be triggering, remember that most of the time their heart is in the right place, and they are not trying to upset you. Talk to your supports and tell them what is or isn’t helpful.