Growing up I always said, "Uhh. I'll never join a sorority. Can I join a frat instead?" Now that I'm in a sorority, I absolutely adore my sisters and wouldn't trade them for the world. However, let's be real, some girls are frat stars and their potential to shine is being wasted all because they have vaginas.
1. You can out drink any guy in any frat.
You've really never understood the whole phrase, "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." Four tequila shots is just the beginning of a pregame, right? While most of your sorority sisters are on their first drink, you've already downed three and just took another shot with this guy at the end of the bar.
You're always down to go toe-to-toe in a drinking competition with anyone who dares try. And you have the utmost respect for anyone who can actually compete with you.
2. You are the champion of the pong table.
If there is a beer pong table at the party, you find it. If there isn't one, you start a game. You've mastered all the trick shots and distractions. You can play pong for hours and never get tired of it. Most nights, you and your partner run the table. If your partner is missing the shots, you threaten to kill them. You cannot lose at pong. You refuse to.
Pong is your favorite drinking game and you don't understand why anyone would want to play anything else. You actually hate it when someone asks if you can play flip cup instead.
3. You can kick ass in most conversations about sports.
College football is a religion and you are a devout worshiper of it. Tailgating is your favorite Saturday afternoon pastime. You know your favorite team's players by heart: their stats, their records, everything. March is your favorite month because your bracket is always amazing. You can even predict those crazy upsets. Your dad bought both you and your brother jerseys for your favorite baseball team growing up, and you threw the ball with your father way more than your brother ever did.
You love talking to other fans of your team and immediately become best friends with them. It's a sacred bond that can't be broken.
4. You were insanely jealous about how much easier their rush was than yours.
Rush for boys:
Rush for girls:
Recruitment is a hell that anyone who has joined a sorority knows. It is a series of days filled with awful weather (no matter what, the weather will always suck), being herded around like cattle, girl flirting, and answering the same three questions over and over again.
"So where are you from?"
"What's your major?"
"Why do you wanna join a sorority?"
By the third day, you realize that you never want to see another girl in your lifetime. You hate the uncomfortable small talk. You cannot understand how the hell these girls are this perky at 8 a.m. and look this perfect. You want to scream if one more girl mentions "Gossip Girl" to you. You've never even seen "Gossip Girl" for fuck's sake. You just read a few of the books in middle school and bullshit your way through the conversations. Wait, Chuck Bass is straight in the TV show?
Boys, however, have the exact opposite experience, and you hate them for it. So wait, men get higher paying jobs than women and their recruitment involves playing pong with some brothers for a few hours? You don't have things you aren't allowed to talk about and get fined if you do? And oh, great, you get Everclear margaritas, too? I hate all of you.
5. You hate the color pink.
The only Pink you like is Floyd. During recruitment, you wanted to puke if you saw the color pink one more time. Yes, there is such a thing as too much pink. No, I don't want a pink bag. And please don't tell me that your sorority's unofficial color is pink.
During clue week, you freaked out when your big left you a clue that was all decorated pink. Luckily enough at reveal, you realized your big is really chill, but there was a scare there for a minute.
6. You fail miserably at all crafts.
You know those cute videos you see on the Internet of dogs painting? Well, those dogs have more artistic talent than you can ever dream of possessing. You have no idea how your sorority sisters can craft these amazing paintings while you can't even draw a stick figure. When you go with them on their weekly trips to Marshall's, you sit there in awe because you can't figure out what anything on the shelves is. Why do you need 10 different shades of yellow that all look exactly the same?
Painting a fraternity cooler is your idea of hell. You know by the time you're done with the cooler it is going to look like a blind man painted the thing. Why do they even need a cooler anyway? You're going away on a vacation in a nice ass resort, you need a decorated cooler, too? Can I just give you a plain one and supply us with twice the alcohol?
7. You don't care at all about carbs.
Three a.m. Dominos is the end to all of your drunken nights. You can eat a whole thing of Oreos by yourself in one sitting. While most of your sisters are talking about the new diet they're on to prepare for formal or summer, you are happily enjoying a pizza and motivating them that they can do it. You laugh at diets. You've tried them, of course, but always end up eating a hamburger three hours in.
You eat like a 300-pound man and your sisters are always wondering how you manage to stay the size you are with the amount you eat. You don't know, but you don't care.
8. Your favorite part about the sorority/fraternity mixers is the free alcohol.
Before I begin with this, I would just like to say a huge thank you to my social chair who works her ass off to create amazing social events for my sisters and me. However, when you're at a mixer and a frat guy walks up and tries to use the same pickup line he's used on three of your sisters before you, it can be a bit irritating.
I know that you've hooked up with seven of my sisters. I know every detail of each of the seven hookups. I know exactly how bad a kisser you are when you get drunk and I've already been warned by four people to avoid you at all costs. Please just let me drink and play some pong.
9. You know nothing about fashion.
"Does this look okay?" is your catchphrase because you have no idea what matches and what doesn't. Your friends are constantly having to double check your outfit before you go out to make sure you aren't making a fool of yourself. You don't know, nor do you care to know, the difference between any fashion designers. Your idea of dressing up is not wearing yoga pants that day. They make your ass look nice, so do you really need to ever wear real pants again?
You own nothing monogrammed or from Lilly. You never really saw the point in it. Besides, your initials are ugly anyway.
10. You're already apologizing to your future little.
Your poor, poor future little. You will not be able to craft anything pretty for her and will have to buy everything you get her online. She will receive nothing pink and nothing overly girly. You would get her monogrammed stuff, but you hate it. And if she is a shitty pong player, you will disown her.
She will however get awesome music posters and great movies on DVD, and you always be there for her with chocolate and vodka. And of course, she has to learn how to a keg stand.
Here's hoping she's as much of a frat star as you are.
