If you go to Penn State, you've probably had a pretty close relationship with Pokey Stix thus far. I mean, how could you not? It's a legitimate staple food here. And if you do go here and have never experienced them... just drop out immediately. Okay, I'm only half kidding. For all you outsiders out there, Pokey Stix can be translated as the best cheesy bread to exist on this earth. I'm talking pizza but BETTER. Not even an argument, it's a fact. Sometimes we'll find ourselves halfway deep in a box of Pokey Stix and think...maybe I have a pokey stix problem. It's okay, we've all been there.
Here are 10 signs you've come to that conclusion:
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1. Whenever your friends want to order it, you fall into the trap every single time.
It's not like saying no is even a legitimate option...
2. You always want to end your night in the comforting hands of a Gumby's box.
Holding that prized possession is literally like winning the Penn State lottery.
3. You've ordered it back-to-back weeks as if it's your weekly ritual.
New week, new excuse to drunk eat, am I right?
4. You're a sucker for the Big Ass Thursday deal that may be really cheap but impossible to finish.
Unless your entire squad is willing to help you out, it's going to be a challenge to polish off that XL/massive size you got, even if you know you've been doing your part. At least you can pride yourself on the few dollars you saved, and maybe just maybe, being willing to share with more than the typical one or two prospects. Because when it comes to pokies, you are NOT a quitter.
5. "Let's get pokies" is your most commonly said phrase. Ever.
I swear it's like I have pokies telepathy with half of my friends every weekend.
6. You're willing to wait for a whole hour or two for it to deliver.
And when your patience level is at an all-time low, you will barge into Gumby's and demand to know how much longer. Or maybe just save yourself a lot of trouble by picking it up in the future.
7. You can singlehandedly thank Pokey Stix for your past or future freshman 15.
Gumby's literally turned you into the person you are today. You may have hit some bumps, or pounds, in the road, but you wouldn't change a thing.
8. You rarely ever cheat on it with other drunk foods.
DP Dough? Canyon Pizza? Literally all side chicks. The only reason you would ever cheat on pokies is if it's faster or if you think it's best to take a little break for the sake of your health.
9. It's your right hand, it's your go-to.
Literally tho. Holding that cheesy bread in your right hand and dipping it into your favorite sauce...that's perfection right there. You've probably woken up on the floor with a half-eaten piece in your hand more times than you'd like to admit. It's your go-to drunk order and you cherish it more than anything.
10. You'll never ever get sick of it.
You don't wake up one day and suddenly realize you don't like cheesy bread. And if you do, you're 100% lying to yourself. Cheesy bread always hits the spot and you'll most definitely be eating it until graduation.
While your friends and family are convinced that you should be in alcoholics anonymous...they've got it all wrong. Pokey Stix are your real addiction, your one true love at Penn State. Pokey Stix anonymous is bound to become the latest support group on campus, just wait and see.
