With the national party conventions just around the corner, it's imperative that we choose a candidate who will make our country great once again. We need a candidate that we can trust and rally around for the general elections in November. That candidate exists and is ready to take our nation back and make it wonderful. That candidate is Patrick Star. Here are a few reasons why you should cast your vote for this super starfish this election season.
1. He already has the perfect running mate.
As a team, these two are unstoppable. The Star-Squarepants ticket will be breaking the ballot box come November. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? The vice president of the United States!
2. He has the fundamental skills that a president needs.
Patrick Star has one of the greatest minds this generation has to offer. His numerous skills will help shape this country to be the best it's ever been. And he promises that every jar will have easily removable lids!
3. He will use technology to the nation's advantage.
In this day and age, voters know the importance of using technology to make the government more efficient in serving its citizens. Patrick Star will take advantage of today's technology to improve the lives of all the American people.
4. He promises to fight to keep Americans safe.
The issue that has been a major factor in debates is national security. Patrick Star has a foolproof plan to wipe out terrorism and keep the American people out of harm's way. Besides, pillows cost so much less than other military weaponry.
5. He heartily supports small business.
Small businesses are an essential component of healthy economic growth. Patrick Star has all the experience and dedication needed to make small business grow in the United States. That one day of selling sketchy chocolate bars has definitely equipped him for the presidency.
6. He has a truly inspirational campaign slogan.
Issues and policies are important, but a campaign slogan concisely captures what a candidate stands for. Patrick Star has managed to craft a meaningful slogan that resonates with people on a personal level. Nobody will dare to question who he is again!
7. He will serve the American people.
America not only needs a strong leader, but it needs a willing servant. Patrick Star is eager to serve the American people to the best of his ability and will kindly offer to take the hat of every citizen.
8. He has plenty of charisma.
Let's face it. People want a president who can turn on the charm. Most people will deny that they are drawn to a candidate because of his or her charisma, but almost none of us can resist good old fashioned charm. Just look at that face. How could you not vote for Patrick? Just don't ask Donald Trump that question.
9. He is a natural problem solver.
Patrick Star will use every ounce of his problem solving skills once he is in office. Common sense solutions combined with stunning intellect knows no bounds. Patrick will eliminate America's most pressing domestic and foreign troubles.
10. Finally, Patrick Star will resolve, once and for all, the issue weighing on every American's mind: immigration.
With so many people incessantly discussing this controversial topic, we must select a president who will deal justly, yet effectively, with this issue. Patrick Star will make sure that illegal immigration is shut down while providing ways to let in people who truly want a better life here. He just wants everyone to have their ice cream and eat it, too!
