Recently, I read an article on why mozzarella sticks are better than boys. It inspired me to think of all of my favorite comfort foods and how much I truly love food above other aspects of my life. You've most likely heard of the term "food baby". If you haven't, here is a simple definition from Urban Dictionary:

Basically, a food baby is when you are bloated after an extremely excessive - albeit satisfying - meal.

With that in mind, I came up with a list of ten reasons why having a food baby is better than having an actual baby.

1. You can order a pizza and have it delivered within thirty minutes.

A baby generally takes nine months and you have subjected yourself to 18+ years of thankless labor!

2. Food doesn't cry. Or scream. Or poop.

It is there for you when you cry. Or scream. And it makes YOU... well, you get the idea!

3. People aren't constantly asking you about your food

How old is it? What does it weigh? Is it eating enough? Does it sleep well? The most common problem with food is having to come up with an excuse as to why you can't share it!

4. You don't have to buy frilly bows or snazzy suspenders for one month, two month or 3,475th-month pictures.

Maple syrup for pancakes or some ketchup for your hotdog is all you'll need to accessorize your comfort food!

5. Food costs A LOT LESS than children.

I know, I know — steakhouses can get pretty expensive... BUT HAVE YOU EVER BOUGHT DIAPERS???

6. People aren't CONSTANTLY touching your stomach if you have a food baby.

A legitimate baby bump, on the other hand... well, it can get pretty awkward!

7. Food smells waaaaay better than spit up or a dirty diaper.

8. Food is there at your convenience...when you want it and how you want it.

You don't have to remind it to take out the trash or wash its hands after it goes to the bathroom.

9. You don't have to deal with the drama of a baby mama or baby daddy!

You can cook, bake, and order food all on your own!

10. Food doesn't ask for anything in return.

It is always there for you no matter how many times you say, "I'm never eating again!"

Disclaimer: this is not meant to insult or offend mothers, those who struggle with infertility, women who have had miscarriages or stillbirths, or anybody at all. It is meant to be light-hearted and humorous. I love children and would never do anything to disrespect them or the people who love them in any way.