Netflix's show "13 Reasons Why" blew up quickly and I saw a lot of support for the show, especially because it was talked of as this amazing show that was starting a conversation on mental health. As someone who's dealt with depression and being suicidal I was enthused by the show and so I sat down to watch it. I'll confess it took me a long time to actually get through it because there were just too many important opportunities the show missed to make it's so-called point.

1. Alex:

Alex Standall should have been a much bigger focus for the show when it came to its lesson on suicidal teens. While I understand that the story was based on a book which was centered around Hannah's suicide, I think more attention should've been paid to the clear suicidal signs Alex was showing instead of having his suicide be a show-stopping finale detail. Alex's outrage over the posters and his comment that they wouldn't stop anything, his continuing to speed in the car after they're done intimidating Clay, and other comments were clear signs that he was strugguling, yet since the drama revolved around Hannah, Alex's mental health was an afterthought for the finale.

2. Tyler:

Tyler faced years of bullying before Hannah, yet no one's talking about that. No one is taking a stance against him becuase he was painted into a villain by Hannah. While I'm not justifying his stalking and taking pictures of Hannah, it is clear that years of bullying are what lead to him having those guns during the finale. Moreover, Hannah's having him on the tape only brought more bullying upon him. The whole "throwing rocks at his window" and Clay taking the picture of him and sending it to the whole school infurated me. For a show being praised for teaching people how to be kinder to one another, no one seemed to care to be nice to Tyler. I hated that he had to go through the humiliation of that picture and the retalliation really took the message away from me.

3. Courtney:

I've seen all the memes attacking Courtney, and they trouble me deeply. Again, I'm not here to justify her throwing Hannah under the bus, but while everyone is busy empathizing with Hannah, no one seems to empathize with Courtney. She was also strugguling and worried about her reputation. Coming out is a scary thing to do (unfortunately) and while I understand Hannah being upset, she also couldn't force Courtney to come out if she wasn't ready. Also, having two gay parents, I'm sure Courtney was trying to avoid stereotypes and rude comments. So, why is her struggle invalidaded? I get that she said and did a lot of messed up things but she too was scared and in a hard place. So, where's the kindess towards Courtney?

4. Clay:

I love Clay, but I hate what Hannah's tapes turned him into. In flashbacks, Clay is your typical socially awkward cutie. He was sweet, smart, and getting by pretty well. He was trying really hard to be friends with Hannah, yet her concern for her failing friendships and her constantly pushing him away made him feel guilty for not staying. This bothered me because, as Tony points out, there's nothing he could've said to change Hannah's mind in that moment and he should not hold himself responsible because Hannah was the one who pushed him away. But more than that, I hated the angry, violent, depressed, suicidal person Hannah's tapes made Clay into. Clay became snappy, he became vindictive, and throughout the series we see his mental health declining due to the tapes. It gets to the point where he too wants to take his own life. I coulnd't love this show because while everyone was caught up in the Hannah+Clay lovestory, they were ignoring the horrible effects the tapes had on Clay.

5. Rape:

I hated how graphic these scenes were. I hated that everyone kept it from Jessica. I hated that Hannah got on Justin's case about him not telling Jessica yet she was there too and didn't tell her after the fact either. I hated that people were covering for Bryce. I hated that these scenes even existed. I hated that they appeared to be there more for the shock-value than for any message. I hated that the girls were not encouraged to reach out.

6. Counseling:

I despised the fact that this shows only attempt at seeking professional help was such a bad experience and I hated it more because it was with a professional. People already struggle enough going to counseling as is, why only send the message that the people who are supposed to be there for you are going to fail you? Why not show a positive interaction? I know some people have had bad experiences with counsling, but all this did was tell suicidal and depressed kids to not reach out because there is no help. I was also upset that not all the episodes came with a warning (only the ones with rape scenes and Hannah's suicide). There were so many triggers in this show yet there were no resources. The people who made the show said there was no international hotline so they just put it up on their website and told people to go there to find the info specific to them. Why not put up all the resources at the end? It just seemed like a way to get more people to go to their website than an actual attempt to help.

7. Justin & Zach:

I was bothered by the fact that Hannah thought that just because Justin and Zach were popular they had no problems. Justin's homelife is horrific and she never made any attempt to understand what he's going through - actually, save for Alex, it seems no one does. I feel like this show exposed some harsh realities but dropped them without much thought. When it comes to Zach, I was frustrated with his tape. I get her being hurt that he never spoke to her when she opened up to him, but a) not everyone is going to understand and b) that's a really heavy thing to drop on someone and just expect them to react like you want them to.

8. The parents + teachers:

I felt the show could've pursued these lines even more. I felt like I needed to know why Hannah never talked to her parents because they seemed like a pretty close family. Yes, they were having money issues but who doesn't? That's not to minimize their problems but to say that I needed to know why she was so closed off from a family that truly seemed to love her. As for the teachers, I feel like they could've made such great use of the communications class to really teach people about warning signs yet the ideas were only briefly mentioned and just as quickly dropped.

9. Revenge, blame, and love:

The tapes to me where all about revenge. I felt that the writers didn't to a very good job with the way the tapes were presented. Hannah didn't seem hurt, sad, shattered, and depressed. I never understood why throughout we barely saw her face hars bullying or see her suffering and crying alone in her bedroom. Her voice in the tapes simply sounds pissed. I'm not saying she didn't have a right to be mad, I'm just saying it painted a picture of suicide as some sort of revenge plot where you cast blame on everyone. Perhaps that is true of some experiences, and I don't want to invalidate anyone's experience but I think they should've shown us more vulnerability from Hannah to help people who've never faced depression understand. I hated the idea of blame because they kept talking about Hannah's death as some sort of murder ("we all killed Hannah"), but sadly, it was her own choice. It made depression and suicide seem like a simple list of pinpointed problems instead of the overflowing glass where you feel like you're drowning and there's no way out. When you're depressed and suicidal many times you wonder how you even got there. There are not bullet points or specific moments that point to the root of it all. I wish they would've dwelled on issues of self-worth more than on the love story. When you're depressed you are convinced that no one could possibly love you so no matter how much Clay loved Hannah, his love wouldn't have saved her if she didn't get professional help.

10. Misunderstood:

I think a lot of the issues Hannah pointed out were misunderstandings. For example, Ryan publishing her poem. There was no malicious intent, and he did it anonymously to try and spare her. I don't think Ryan deserved a tape when he really thought her talented. Sheri and the stop sign also troubled me. Yes, she messed up but she was also scared and it is incredibly unfair to put the weight of all the horrible things that happened on the night of the party on her and Clay's shoulders. Justin was terrified during the Jessica scenario, he was also manipulated by Bryce who was the one who sent the picture plus he was dealing with a lot of issues at home. He also thought keeping Jess in the shadows was a way to protect her. Does it justify him? No, but I think Hannah should've shown more empathy herself. I think there was too much running away from problems and not enough confronting.

11. Suicide:

I can fully appreciate what was trying to be done with the very graphic scene of Hannah's suicide, however, it was a massive trigger. Yes, there was a warning, but I think there were better ways the show could've gone about it. This scene simply gave already suicidal teens a way to carry out a plan, made others have suicidal thoughts, and simply was too gruesome. Yes, good stories should make you uncomfortable - talking about suicide should make you uncomfortable, but it shouldn't make you want to turn off the TV and walk away. It shouldn't make you feel like there is no end to the hopelessness. I've been suicidal before, and I know had I seen the show then I would've felt like what I wanted to do was right. Moreover, I've read that she was supposed to survive in the original story. I think a powerful message could've been sent without Hannah's death. It would've still had the attempt as a consequence of her depression, but it would've had a message of hope for all those suffering. The ending with the suicide simply throws in an unintended subtext that suggests that death is the only escape and the best revenge on all who hurt you.

12. Secrets:

I think having Tony be the guard of her secrets was such a heavy thing to put on him after she was gone. Having to keep the truth from Hannah's parents and having Clay suffer the way he did put Tony in a difficult position. We see toward the end of the show the toll Hannah's secrets had on Tony's personal life with his boyfriend and in the way he interacted with Hannah's parents. Moreover, airing out everyone's dirty laundry plus leaving 13 people with knowledge of crimes that weren't reported and could get them into some serious trouble was cruel and unfair. Had she only made a tape for each person personally (I still think the tapes were a bad idea and seemed a lot more thought out and calculated than a typical suicide) and left it between them it might have been better, but it's a lot to put on people.

13. The Conversation:

I've seen so many conversations spark from the show, yet not many of them have to do with actual depression and suicide. People have focused on how cute the guys are and how they want a Clay or a Jeff in their lives. They're bullied characters like Courtney and Tyler and made memes about which characters they'd kill off to bring Hannah back. They've made fun of the tapes by making memes about trivial issues that would lead to a tape. They've talked about kindness but not about how to actually prevent suicide or talk about depression. They've talked about whether or not the show is good. But here's what we should talk about. We should talk about the fact that there ARE helpful resources out there. We should talk about how journaling, conseling, medication, and other things really help. We should talk about how when pain isn't physical many times it's trivialized and invalidaded. We should talk about how we barely put an effort to understand people and be empathetic. We should talk about how we marginalize people like Tyler. How we push away people like Clay. How we stereotype people like Justin, Courtney, and Zack. How we struggle to have open and honest conversations like Jessica. How we ignore cries for help from people like Alex.

I could honestly go on but I'll stop here. I think the show had very good intentions but I think it should've used its platform to really talk more about mental health stigma and try to create a more positive outlook. For me this show missed the mark by only showing unhelpful resources and painting suicide as the ultimate revenge. While I think the message of kindness is nice and cute, it's also something we've been learning since pre-school and we need to move on from that and work on ending the stigma.