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10 Reasons Not To Read This List

Don't be enticed by the soft-looking kitten.

Daniel Vazquez

Aug 22, 2016

Rutgers-Newark

CDN

1. You probably have better things to do. (Go for a walk, plan a fantasy wedding, destroy your little brother in FIFA, literally anything. C'mon.)

2. Everybody knows these lists are a total waste of time. (Lookin' at you, Buzzfeed)

3. This isn't even a top 10 Funny Kitten Video list. (Also a tragic squandering of precious time on this Earth)

4. Would Michael Jordan still be reading this? Steve Jobs? Michelangelo?

5. Life is short. This is your life. And it's ending one minute at a time. (Thanks, Fight Club)

6. Ok, you must really hate yourself.

7. I could recommend a therapist. (Barry's a good dude.)

8. Wow. Is this a new low for you? (It's not for me, shamefully.)

9. Is my favorite number! (I have it tattooed on my right arm.)

10. You have just read items one through ten of a list entitled "10 Reasons Not To Read This List" by some 21-year-old punk with the number nine tattooed on his arm. WHY?! What is wrong with you?

You know what, at this point, as punishment, here's a few more:

12. Don't feed the machine. Don't share this list on Facebook, Twitter, or any social media platform. Don't reward me for my laziness/incredible ingenuity.

13. The existence of this article (and the fact that you've actually read it) disproves God.

14. I am disgusted by you. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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10 Reasons Not To Read This List

Don't be enticed by the soft-looking kitten.

1. You probably have better things to do. (Go for a walk, plan a fantasy wedding, destroy your little brother in FIFA, literally anything. C'mon.)

2. Everybody knows these lists are a total waste of time. (Lookin' at you, Buzzfeed)

3. This isn't even a top 10 Funny Kitten Video list. (Also a tragic squandering of precious time on this Earth)

4. Would Michael Jordan still be reading this? Steve Jobs? Michelangelo?

5. Life is short. This is your life. And it's ending one minute at a time. (Thanks, Fight Club)

6. Ok, you must really hate yourself.

7. I could recommend a therapist. (Barry's a good dude.)

8. Wow. Is this a new low for you? (It's not for me, shamefully.)

9. Is my favorite number! (I have it tattooed on my right arm.)

10. You have just read items one through ten of a list entitled "10 Reasons Not To Read This List" by some 21-year-old punk with the number nine tattooed on his arm. WHY?! What is wrong with you?

12. Don't feed the machine. Don't share this list on Facebook, Twitter, or any social media platform. Don't reward me for my laziness/incredible ingenuity.

13. The existence of this article (and the fact that you've actually read it) disproves God.

14. I am disgusted by you. You should be ashamed of yourself.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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