Growing up in Kansas, I have found my self asking constantly "How did I get stuck in this state?" Sometimes I joke and say a tornado blew me here or I took the wrong brick road, but then I just ask again "How did I get stuck in this state?" Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for Kansas and what it has done for me and the person it has molded me into, but I have never thought of Kansas as more than merely a starting point. Well after eighteen years of being stuck at my starting point I have decided to start my next journey in North Carolina. Whether North Carolina be my ending point or just another point along the road, at least I will no longer have to deal with some of these issues.
1. Wizard of Oz Jokes
Ok, so yeah I made a Wizard of Oz joke earlier in this article, only because I knew you were coming up with one already. Therefore, it was my duty as a Kansan to avoid your bad joke relating to Dorothy, Toto, or everyone's favorite "It's not Kansas anymore?" Moral of the story, when I tell you I am from Kansas the first thing you say back to me should not be a Wizard of Oz joke because they are old, overused, and not funny.
2. Construction
Kansas aka the place that spends 4.6 million dollars to "fix" the streets instead of funding public schools. Need I say more.
3. The Capital City (Topeka)
Good 'ol Topeka. My hometown. Topeka is an Indian word for "a good place to grow potatoes" and if that doesn't say it all I don't know what else will. Somehow it got granted the opportunity to be the capital city of Kansas, but unfortunately there is absolutely nothing to do here and everyone forgets it is the capital. It is also in the Top 10 for cities with the highest obesity rates.
4. FLAT
If you've ever road through Kansas you've probably fell asleep instantly. The landscape is flat, plain, mostly brown, and full of corn and wheat. Although, I must admit there is truly nothing like a Kansas sunset.
5. Land of GOP
Kansas is the home of the strictest conservatives and led by the most reckless governor. For instance, Gov. Brownback did away with concealed gun permits and training requirements, cut income taxes for rich people, cut a ridiculous amount of money for public schooling, shot the unemployment rate out of the roof, defunded planned parenthood, and to sum it all up, he has completely demolished Kansas.
6. Kansas City
Yeah, so when most people think of Kansas cities, they think Lawrence or Manhattan, but then we get those people who think the "good" Kansas City is in Kansas. Well NEWSFLASH, Kansas got stuck with the cruddy Kansas City because most of it is in Missouri. You literally have to cross state lines to get to the Kansas City that everyone raves about.
7. Spangles
If you've never been to Spangles before consider yourself lucky. They are on every corner and are absolutely disgusting. If I never have to lay eyes on a Spangles again I'll never sin again.
8. Westboro Baptist Church (The Phelps)
Once again I grew up in Topeka, KS. Yes, the home of Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church. As a young child I witnessed this group and their young children preach hate outside of churches, schools, funerals, weddings, literally everywhere.
9. Tornadoes
Kansas; the state who has significantly dangerous tornadoes, but when there is a warning nobody goes to their basement, but instead they turn into a heroic storm chaser and go outside to watch.
10. Everyone Knows Everyone
It is true. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone is each other's cousin and we are all somehow related.
So there it is, the downfalls of Kansas that have led me to a new journey in my life. Let me reiterate that I in no way hate Kansas and if you are not from here then I will not stand for any Kansas bashing from you. However, I must admit Kansas does have some of the nicest and approachable citizens and the best basketball in the country (Rock Chalk Jayhawk)! But it is time for me to move on and experience new escapades, but of course with the same old Wizard of Oz jokes.
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