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10 Realistic Thoughts About New Years Resolutions

Making a New Year's resolution is easy, committing to one is a whole other story.

Emily Allison

Dec 12, 2016

The Storytelling Club

10 Realistic Thoughts About New Years Resolutions

We Know Your Dreams

With less than a month until the new year *THANK GOD* I thought it was time to get working on some ideas for New Year's Resolutions. I never like to come up with resolutions because some challenges need more than just a year to figure out, but maybe it's time for some "new year, new me" nonsense. Take a look at my ideas, and write in the comments if you have any resolutions you think I should add.

1. Join a gym with the hopes of exercising...only to never go and bitch about my gym membership over a bottle of cab.

image via GIPHY, https://media.giphy.com/media/69kj3di8KQp5C/giphy.gif

2. Attempt to date...only to discover I actually can’t stand other people and revert back to being single forever.

image via Favim, http://s3.favim.com/orig/44/hate-lol-people-poisoning-Favim.com-375101.gif

3. Drink less alcohol...only to quit after 10 minutes because wine is sooo ~healthy~.

image via Winemind, http://www.winemind.com/15-funny-wine-gifs-memes/

4. Join a spin class...only to decided that I don’t want to punish my vagina anymore.

image via Bicycling, http://www.bicycling.com/training/beginners/30-thoughts-every-cyclist-has-during-spin-class

5. Clean out my closet and get rid of clothing I don’t wear anymore...only to remember I never have anything to wear so I can’t get rid of thing.

image via NYP Decider, https://nypdecider.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/clueless-cher-gif.gif

6. Spend less time on my phone...only to get bored without constantly bugging my friends.

image via GIPHY, https://media.giphy.com/media/TFMoOxjnAAMbm/giphy.gif

7. Save money for retirement...only to...well this is actually a good idea.

image via Best Animations, http://bestanimations.com/Money/money-animated-gif-9.gif

8. Learn to cook more challenging meals...only to give up because I am impatient and order some takeout.

image via tumblr, https://67.media.tumblr.com/6587a382f1b0e5a7d495d8bd4fc55fcd/tumblr_njax7zRQFH1sakzt7o1_500.gif

9. Watch less trash tv...just gtfo with that idea.

image via GIF Wave, http://www.gifwave.com/media/505248_tv-real-housewives-reality-tv-drinking-reality.gif

10. Laugh more...because why the hell not.

image via Make a GIF, https://i.makeagif.com/media/5-18-2015/br8R2H.gif

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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10 Realistic Thoughts About New Years Resolutions

Making a New Year's resolution is easy, committing to one is a whole other story.

1. Join a gym with the hopes of exercising...only to never go and bitch about my gym membership over a bottle of cab.

2. Attempt to date...only to discover I actually can’t stand other people and revert back to being single forever.

3. Drink less alcohol...only to quit after 10 minutes because wine is sooo ~healthy~.

4. Join a spin class...only to decided that I don’t want to punish my vagina anymore.

5. Clean out my closet and get rid of clothing I don’t wear anymore...only to remember I never have anything to wear so I can’t get rid of thing.

6. Spend less time on my phone...only to get bored without constantly bugging my friends.

7. Save money for retirement...only to...well this is actually a good idea.

8. Learn to cook more challenging meals...only to give up because I am impatient and order some takeout.

9. Watch less trash tv...just gtfo with that idea.

10. Laugh more...because why the hell not.

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No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time

13. The first snow day

14. Madipalooza

15. When finals week rolls around

16. When you have to say goodbye

17. And when you finally get to go back

Do you have a small get-together or throw a big bash?

1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.

2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.

3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.

4. Your siblings wake you up.

5. Your friends are so excited to be with you on your big day.

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