You recently may have come across an article, 10 Signs You've Spotted a F***boy. While it definitely is hilarious and relevant, I don't think it correctly portrays the true definition of an FB. An FB (f***boy) cannot be confused with the other FB (frat bro). If you are at a day drink and spot a dude sporting a basketball jersey, frat sludge-stained Sperrys, and a can of Keystone -- chances are, he's just a tool-bag.
A f***boy embodies a manipulative and shallow-minded guy, who thrives on the simple principle of being an a$$hole. With that being said, you also cannot just spot men of this breed; they are complex yet predictable, creatures whose true f***boy identities can only be revealed through careful observation. Here are 10 (of many) signs that homeboy is an OG FB.
1. He talks his game up past his eyeballs.
Does he constantly make comments about some girl blowing up his phone? Does he refer to every girl as a slut or some variation of the word? Classic FB move. He has a player reputation to uphold. If any girl fails to give him the attention he thinks he is entitled to, then he will soothe his bruised ego by preaching exaggerations and lies to anyone who will listen.
2. He is notorious for re-kindling old flames.
FB always seems to be fresh out of a relationship. His previous sideb***h will then receive multiple Instagram notifications in a row, consisting of likes on most recent pictures, or comments on pictures so old that no one else is bound to see. Comments usually read: "text me beautiful" with an array of emojis including heart-eyes. Freshly-single FB has to show his boys he is still boss with all of his old girls texting him first.
3. Every word that comes out of his mouth is scripted.
It's never just "Netflix to chill" and you're never "different from all the others." The OG FB is so smooth that his bull turns into butter -- his words slide right through your brain and straight to your heart. As soon as you start feeling special, it's too late. Your brain is saturated with his sweet talk, and your friends already have a box of tissues ready for you.
4. He uses social media as a soap-box for women's rights.
FB routinely posts pictures with every female member of his family and captions them "the only woman I'll ever need in my life." With each flamboyant post about respecting and loving women, there exists a woman who has been royally screwed over by FB. And if I see one of y'all share that Bob Marley quote one more time, crap is going to hit the fan.
5. His selfies scream "I am full of myself."
Hey, FB, why don't you edit that picture a little more? What about another inspiring quote that lets everyone know how far you are going in life? Don't forget the light-skinned "squint" eyes! With all the time and effort you put into that post, it's good to know how much you value your looks. You panty-dropper, you.
6. The friend zone doesn't exist.
Don't trust him if he doesn't have female friends. FB doesn't believe in platonic relationships, which means he doesn't understand what a boundary is. No one is off limits, whether it's his best friend's girlfriend or current girlfriend's best friend.
7. He randomly pops out of Fairy Tale Land.
Instead of a traditional (public) date, FB invites you over to his place to cook you dinner and watch chick flicks. The idea loses its romantic appeal once you realize he's cooking you dinner straight into the bedroom.
8. He conveniently loses his legs and his bank account.
Do not let that lazy POS talk you into bed-side delivery because he's "so tired from work" and really wants a milkshake. Ignore the smiley face. Ignore his supplemental request to cuddle. FB is looking for a reliable back-up side chick. What's better than a willing girl to an unwilling guy? Don't fail the test.
9. Snapchat is his attention whore sidekick.
Trust me, it was a mass Snapchat. Or maybe he really did send you a one-on-one snap. Except it's also on his MyStory. He just wants to make sure you know what he's up to.
10. Texting is not used for communication purposes.
Texting is a game to the classic FB. He, knowingly, has his read receipts on and chooses when he wants to be a good or bad texter. And, more importantly, he knows it drives you absolutely insane.
