Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone in my dorm and around campus for this content. These are all anonymous as I don't even know who said them. Enjoy.

1.) "DUUUDE! I just burped and I puked everywhere!"

At least he was happy about it, right?

2.) "I knew it smelled like vaginas in here!"

Congrats, buddy, that is quite a talent you have.

3.) "He peed himself because he has a UTI and can't hold it in, so it's not his fault he peed on your shoes."

These excuses make a lot more sense when you're a few dozen beers into the night.

4.) "Yeah, we got six people living in this room right now. It's a duplex!"

TBH I loled so hard at this one.

5.) "My pee is almost a normal color again!"

Thanks for the update!

6.) "If the Pats lose I'm gonna get really drunk by myself and die."

Same, dude.

7.) "I'm getting so blackout tonight, I don't care about my 8 AM."

#priorities, am I right?

8.) "Someone just put their finger in my ass I don't appreciate that."

Yikes, I'm sorry you feel that way.

9.) "Yeah I think I fell asleep on her last night."

Oh, that poor girl.

10.) "College is like looking both ways before you cross the street then getting hit by a plane."

RETWEET.