Who you date is an important decision because more often than not, who you date becomes who you marry. Marriage is a commitment to a lifetime together. Despite the growing divorce rates, most couples join in matrimony with the intention of sticking with each other forever. The problem, which can be attributed to the divorce rate, is that many people don't always have specific and important qualifications that they subject potential significant others to before they begin to date them.

On the first date, I wouldn't recommend necessarily drilling the person sitting across from you at the table with dozens of thought-provoking, I'm-staring-at-the-rest-of-my-life questions, but I would advise that these questions be asked well before you become an official, exclusive couple. Before you make the steps towards commitment, whether that be on a small or large scale, it helps to be conscious of your priorities and how the person you're potentially attaching yourself to measures up to them.

Your questions should be tailor-made to your specific preferences and goals. However, as a general rule of thumb, here are ten questions (both unspoken and spoken) you should probably ask before you start dating someone.

1. Are you religious, and if so, what is your faith and what impact does it have on your life?

Some people can have a significant other who doesn't share their religious views and still experience a happy, functional relationship. Sometimes, religious differences can cause dissent in a relationship because people who have a specific faith can have moral guidelines which they hold to dearly. For instance, some Buddhists do not eat beef and might be uncomfortable dating someone who does. Some Catholics choose to refrain from using birth control and might be hesitant to enter into a sexual relationship with someone who requires it. Religious differences might not bother you, but you should probably check with the person you're considering committing to and make sure that if you have differences in your beliefs, you're both comfortable with those differences.

2. What are your dreams?

If you're dating someone who doesn't dream or aspire at the same level at which you do, that person may be threatened by or uncomfortable with your ambition. Even if that's not the case, they won't always be the source of encouragement and motivation that you need. The person you're dating doesn't need to have the same dreams as you do, but they certainly need to have similar motivations and a matched sense of purpose. If they don't, they might bring you down or stand in the way of your dreams. Dating a fellow dreamer is nice, but can be just as problematic when their dreams directly conflict with yours. Insert La La Land.

3. What does your future look like to you?

Does your potential S.O. want children? Do they want to live in the same city as your family or their family? Do they want to travel? Adopt? Do they want to live in the suburbs or the country? All of these questions are important because if your S.O.'s ideal future looks completely different from yours, the relationship might be headed for more conflict than it can bear. Not every detail between you and your S.O. needs to line up perfectly--you should celebrate the differences you each have, because that's why you fell in love in the first place--but too many differences will put duress on the relationship that could have been avoided if the right questions had been asked at the right time.

4. What is your family like, and how do you treat your mother? (unspoken: observation)

Let me emphasize this one from personal experience: I've dated a guy with a pretentious and unwelcoming family, and I've dated a guy with a family so wonderful, it rivaled my own. When you date a guy with a great family, you instantly feel like you could belong. They won't always be perfect, but a welcoming and warm family dynamic makes the road to potential matrimony way less stressful than it would be if you're paired with monsters-in-law and siblings that hate your guts. These people could be your future family. You're going to have to spend holidays with them and take vacations with them. Make sure you feel like you belong...or at least make sure they're bearable to be around. Furthermore, you can often tell the quality of any person by how they treat their mother. Since mothers are usually the people who are doing the brunt of the child rearing, they are often the person that you can be most vulnerable with, the person you trust the most, and, consequentially, the person you take the most advantage of. If your S.O. treats their mother with disrespect and a lack of love, it's a good bet they're going to treat you the same way down the road. Conversely, however, you don't want to date someone who is so in tune with their mother that they cannot make decisions without her spoon-feeding them the answers along the way. Trust me on this one: run far away from anyone with an unhealthy attachment to their mom.

5. What are your love languages?

It is so important to be aware of how you feel loved, and how your potential S.O. feels loved, too. The five love languages (physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and gift giving) are integral to understanding yourself and the person you're dating, because they help you establish a hierarchy of emotional importance and alleviate miscommunication along the way. Being able to tailor your affections to accommodate the person you're dating is important, because if you show love in a language that they don't receive love, frustration will occur as both of you will feel immensely misunderstood and unloved. Remember that once you commit to a relationship, your mentality shifts from one of self-service to one of service towards your partner, so make sure that while you're still in the early stages before commitment, your potential S.O.'s love languages are understandable, and not frustrating, to you. Also remember that for some, the ways they receive love are not the ways they give it, so be sure to ask rather than assume.

6. What are your physical expectations?

If you're the kind to wait until marriage, but your S.O. fully expects sexual interaction during the relationship, chances are you're both going to end up disappointed and hurt. The mistakes people have made in the past are worth forgiving and moving on, but if your potential S.O. tries to push their sexual expectations onto you when you're neither comfortable nor ready with the concept, very bad things can happen. You don't have to come from the same backgrounds, but defining the sexual line at the beginning of the relationship can save you from a lot of uncomfortable situations and ensure that you don't do things you aren't ready to do. Sex is a beautiful thing, but when it's paired with guilt, conviction or anxiety, it can be ruined. Don't risk the sanctity of something special by allowing yourself to be put in a situation that causes you undue stress.

7. What is your intention with this relationship?

Some people are in a relationship with the intent to eventually marry, while others are dating for the sole purpose of having a best friend with whom they can have sex. It's going to hurt pretty badly when you're looking for a wedding ring, only to discover that was never the intent of your S.O. Define the goals, expectations and priorities early enough in the relationship so that you can speak on them with clarity and without an emotional fog. Relationships are about give and take, but before you get to that stage, you should focus solely on what you want. You don't need to consider the wishes of the other person until you're committed to them, so best to assert your desires and get on the same page before you're forced to make painful compromises for the sake of someone you think you love--and who you think loves you.

8. What are your unforgivables?

Everyone has them. That's not to say you should be looking for a line in the sand on what will and won't be allowed, but you should ask your potential S.O. to explain their fears so that you're more able to understand what it is that you need to guard yourself from doing. If you're a naturally friendly, flirty personality, and your S.O. has been cheated on before, your personality might put them on guard. You do not need to change who you are to accommodate that person, but being more conscious of your behaviors and actions might be helpful as your S.O. works to overcome that fear. If your potential S.O. has been abused before, they might tell you that any type of physical altercation would cause them to leave without so much as a second glance. It's never okay to hit or cheat on your S.O., but mistakes are made. Some of them can be forgivable (as long as they're not habitual and only occur once), and some will require an immediate disunion. Figure out what lines cannot ever be crossed, and don't cross them.

9. What are your biggest insecurities?

No matter what your intention is in a relationship, a general tone of positivity is universally desired. You're either going to be a part of someone's past, or a part of their future. You have the ability to always show kindness and help that person overcome whatever they're going through at the time you're in their life. Therefore, asking your potential S.O. what their biggest insecurities are allows you to understand what ways you can encourage and comfort that person in order to make them better for having been with you. If your S.O. has negative body image issues, or thinks they're unintelligent and have little value to add to a conversation, you can actively work to boost their confidence in these areas by providing positive feedback and, well, just loving them. This gives them a reason to look back at the relationship they shared with you and feel positively about the experience, regardless of how it turns out in the scope of longevity.

10. What are your communication preferences?

Especially if you're in a long-distance relationship, the majority of your interactions can often be through text or phone conversations. Before you commit to a relationship, take a moment to discuss how each of you communicates, and the kind of communication and time commitments you're going to give each other in the relationship. It's really helpful to find common ground in these areas that meets the needs of each party in the relationship, because a lack of communication can lead to insecurity and an overload of communication can lead to smothering. Both of these foster resentment, so try to nip that in the bud by addressing communication and interaction concerns right off the bat. Some couples want to talk every day, even multiple times a day--but are satisfied with the extent of the communication being through the phone or texting. Others can go a few days without interacting, but desire a meaningful, face-to-face interaction when they do finally get to see each other. Figure out what the balance is that works for you and your potential S.O.

Relationships are work. Anyone who says they aren't probably hasn't been in a long term, meaningful relationship. If you ask the important questions in advance, you can avoid many of the pitfalls that result in heartbreak, and have a generally positive relationship regardless of whether or not it results in a trip to the alter. Just make sure you really know the person you're agreeing to commit to, before you commit to them, so that you don't waste months or years of your life with a person who was never really meant to be your companion in the first place. Date wisely, and your heart will thank you.

Soli Deo Gloria!