The day I went home with my adoptive parents was the day that changed my path in life. I've always been very open with my adoption story, so I thought I would talk about parts of adoption that people may be curious about but feel like they could never ask. I reached out to the people around me and had them send me any questions about adoption, and not to hold back. I'll be answering their questions from the perspective of my adoption process and journey.
1. When did you realize your parents weren't your "real" parents?
I have always known that I was adopted. My parents were open about it from the beginning which I think helped strengthen my relationship with them. They didn't hide where I came from, and I appreciate that.
2. Do you think your parents love you like a biological child?
Absolutely. I've been my parents' daughter since I was four days old. They raised me as their child because I am their child, and nobody should question that.
3. Do you wish you had different parents adopt you?
No, not really. The only thing I wish my parents would have done different is that they could have tried to educate me on my culture. Growing up in a white household when I am half Korean played a part in my struggle to find my identity, which you could say I still have not found yet.
4. Did you ever go through a time where you wanted to know who your biological parents were?
Of course. I had an independent, open (I think?) adoption, so I have had access to the names of my biological parents since I could read the adoption papers. I'm still curious about who they are as people, and will probably continue to learn more about them as I get older.
5. Do you ever wish your biological parents kept you?
No. I like my life and my upbringing. I'll sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't been given up for adoption but I still wouldn't want to change anything. Being adopted gave me a second chance at the best life possible for me, and I'm very grateful for that.
6. Where/how does your biological family fit into your life?
I know my full brother and my half brother and have started to build relationships with them. I'm slowly getting to know people in my biological family who I feel comfortable getting to know. I want to know more about my family, but it is important for me to take things slow and not overwhelm myself with so many new people at once.
7. Do you know why you were given up for adoption?
Yes. And I understand why.
8. How does your adoption affect your identity?
It has been hard trying to find out who I am. I am clearly Asian American, and I don't look like my white parents, so growing up my identity has always been called into question by the people around me. It used to play a bigger role in my life around middle school, but now I have accepted myself for who I am, even if it is kind of confusing.
9. What personally did you dislike about your adoption experience?
Not much, honestly. In some cases, I think I got too much information from my parents when I wasn't ready for it. They assumed I knew more than I did at one time, so I learned certain things about my adoption when my mental state wasn't the best.
10. When do you think parents should tell their children they're adopted?
In cases like mine where I was adopted as an infant, I think adoptive parents should be open with their children from the beginning. Being adopted will inevitably take some emotional toll on a child, no matter what age they are and no matter how long they have known. By being honest from the start, your child will be comfortable trusting you with their emotions about being adopted and as a parent, you can be there for them. Feelings of abandonment often come up and if they feel as if they can't trust their adoptive parents either from hiding this huge thing from them, it may do more harm in the end. Adoption is an emotional journey for everyone involved, and if you are all on the same page, it can ease the journey to love and acceptance.
Being adopted has been an emotional rollercoaster that I'm still on. What this has ultimately taught me is that I am loved by so many people, and I wouldn't change anything about my life, or my families (yes, plural).
