The war began at about 8 years old when Dad poured vinegar in his own water cup because he knew I always drank out of it. From then on, we would always be setting up traps around the house, just waiting for the other to stumble upon it, whether it was April Fool’s Day or not.
Recently, my dad started another "Prank War," by making a special trip to Walmart to buy this creepy little toy, tying it to some twine, and duct taping it just so inside the driver’s side door of my car. When I opened it, it came flying out at me. So, I took it upon myself to try new pranks, now that I’m older and wiser (than I was 12 years ago) and share them, so if other people struggle with the day-to-day life of ornery dads… they’ll have some ammo too.
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1. Saran Wrap
All you need is a small section of Saran Wrap to really frustrate your father. If anyone knows my dad, he seasons everything on his plate, mostly with a tablespoon of salt and a gallon of pepper. So, cut just a 1x1 inch square of the wrap, unscrew the lids to the salt and pepper shakers, stick the wrap inside, screw the lid back on, and test it by shaking it upside-down over a sink. If nothing comes out, continue on to other things your dad often uses!
My dad goes through toothpicks like he used to go through cigarettes (toothpicks helped him wean off of cigs, so his toothpicks are his healthy alternative). He’s got toothpick shakers in the kitchen and a dispenser next to his easy-chair in the living room, like the ones you use and spin the sides of at restaurants after dinner. So, I took out the 600 toothpicks he carefully placed in the bowl of the dispenser and laid a rectangular piece of Saran Wrap by the opening so that when my dad twists the side piece, nothing comes out.
2. Tape
I have to use subcategories for this one!!
a) Scotch tape
Dad makes over-medium eggs on the stove for breakfast every single morning before he goes to work, so why not mess with them, too? All you have to do is roll the tape, with the sticky side facing out, and stick it under the egg inside its slot in the egg carton. When he goes to pick it up, it’ll get stuck.
b) Duct Tape
I used duct tape to simply bind together all of my dad’s pens in his office. It’s not something you can ignore when you have work to do and no pens to write with!
c) Electrical Tape
Electrical tape isn’t as strong as duct tape, and it won’t leave any residue. Use just a small piece of it to cover up the sensors on TV remotes, so your victim will think the batteries went out and they'll change them 2 or 3 times. It’s great for irritating them when all they want to do is catch the 7 o’clock weather!
3. Sharpies
Unravel one round of toilet paper, draw on a little spider with a thin Sharpie, roll it back up again, and wait for the victim to use the bathroom. Fake spiders also work on Kleenexes.
4. Cream Cheese
This one got my mom and I laughing before we even did it. Go take their deodorant stick and throw out the insides. Next, unpackage some cream cheese and mold it into the deodorant and smash the top around so it looks just like the actual deodorant did before!
TIP: do time it accordingly so it still appears deodorant-like.
TIP: don’t leave it sitting and waiting in the cabinet for 12 hours because it’ll deflate and the victim will be alarmed and won’t apply the cream cheese like you intended.5. Vaseline
That or any kind of jelly substance would do the trick. Take a pinch or two and rub it around every doorknob and handle you believe they’re going to touch or grab. It’ll be super slippery and it’ll give them a hard time when they’re trying to wash it off too.
6. Balloons/Needles
I think you can see where I’m going with this one already. Tape a balloon to a wall to hold it steady, and tape a needle (or anything pokey) to the door adjacent to the balloon. It’d work vice versa as well, whatever seems easiest. Then when they open the door, it’ll scare the bejesus out of them.
7. Sticky Notes
Get some little ones, or tear a big one at the tacky end, and stick them right on top of the sensor of a computer mouse where the glowing light seeps through. Hopefully, the victim won’t get so annoyed that they throw it or call it quits and buy a new one.
8. Spaghetti
Not cooked! Take the raw noodles out of the box, but leave them in the bag (or put them in a Ziploc baggie if they don’t come in one) and place them underneath the seat of the victim’s most frequently used latrine. They’ll think the seat is breaking as they sit down. This is especially funny for my family because my dad excessively buys spaghetti noodles even when he knows we have 10 boxes at home. So it’s not like using a pack or two is going to run us short at dinner time.
9. Drawers
You can use their desk drawers, their dresser drawers, or even their kitchen drawers: switch the contents of two different drawers and just wait for them to reach for spoons and end up pulling out washcloths.
10. Vinegar
This is mostly just a revenge stunt… for me. I’ll live vicariously through everyone’s vinegar trap. Pretend to be thoughtful and ask if they would like their water cup filled up. Then go into the kitchen and dump your vinegar in and wait for your (my) sweet, sweet vengeance.
As long as you have a good idea of your victim’s schedule and routine, you’re already halfway to the perfect scheme. My dad is a very predictable man, so these pranks went off seamlessly. Just don’t forget to hug at the end of the day and act like your pinky-promise “truce” is gonna last a week before you scheme again.
A quick shout-out to my dad: I love you, and I’m sorry about your Tuesday.
