I was sitting on my bed the other night, flipping through the last few pages of a book my friend had lent me, when my roommate knocked on my door. “Can I use your hair dryer?” she asked. “Sure,” I responded. “It’s in the left-most cubby by the bathroom door.” As she walked across the room, I realized it became increasingly darker than it had been when I first crawled into bed. I got up and turned on the lights. “So two guys I haven’t spoken to in months hit me up today. Cuffing season has apparently begun.” I looked up at my roommate a bit confused.
For those of you like me, who have apparently been living under a rock the past few years:
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So, ladies and gentlemen, if you find yourselves “desiring to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship,” don’t worry, it’s seemingly quite normal. Millions of people are re-downloading “Tinder” and “Bumble” and swiping like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t know what to say to the cutie you matched up with? Here are a few so-bad-they’re-good openers that are sure to illicit a response:
For the travel enthusiast:
1. What took you so long? I've been Kuwait-ing for you my whole life.
2. I’m home for the holidays, but when I come back, Alaska you out.
3. Are you heading to India? 'Cause I'd Goa anywhere with you!
4. Would you allow me Du-Bai you a drink?
For the Pokemon enthusiast:
5. Charmander is red, Squirrel is blue, If you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you.
6. Are you a pikachu? Because you are shockingly beautiful.
For getting straight to the point of online dating (the actual date part):
7. I’m learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?
8. People call me _____, but you can call me Tonight! Let’s grab a drink? (insert number)
9. Are we on the same wifi? I think we might be having a connection. Let’s double-check in person.
10. You’re single. I’m single. Coincidence? I think not.
Happy cuffing, everyone!
