Heartbreak is everywhere.
No matter age, gender, race or sexuality, we all feel the same in one department: heartbreak. Whether it be a pleasant breakup or a violent one, the hurt is there just the same. I know it may seem like the end of the world, but everyone can learn from their disappointments. So here is a list of people who have told me about their breakups, and what each breakup taught them about love and relationships. You are not alone. Heartbreak is everywhere.
Corinne, 51
My story: When I was 21, I was engaged to a man who I thought I was meant to be with. Even before we got together, he had a history of drinking. One night, he told me that he was home sleeping. I then heard from someone else that he had been at a bar drinking all night. I realized that in order to be happy I had to end the relationship, and even though it hurt, I know in my heart that that was the right choice. I couldn’t stay with someone I didn’t trust.
What it taught me: Just because you’re in a relationship with someone you love, it doesn’t mean you have to marry them; a ring on your finger won’t change who they are.
Tracy, 46
My story: My whole senior year, I was dating a man who was 22—five years older than me. I wasn’t super into him, but I was in high school and he was something to do. Eventually, after I graduated, I started carpooling with a guy from my college class. My boyfriend did not trust me, and he would even park on side roads on the way to our classes. He’d even have his grandmother call me. I couldn’t take this clinginess, so I broke it off. After a while I began dating the boy I carpooled with, but my previous boyfriend did not like that at all. He would still harass me endlessly. So one night, he called me saying he was too drunk to drive and asked me to pick him up. Instead of me driving to the bar, I called my dad to pick him up. Needless to say, my ex never bothered me again.
What it taught me: In high school, relationships aren’t super serious. Make sure you know what the other person is looking for, even if they’re a loser. Sometimes you dodge a bullet and you’re thankful it didn’t last.
Kyran, 19
My story: In the summer between 10th and 11th grade, I started dating a girl much younger than me. We were together for almost two years, and I loved her 100 percent. She was the first girl I ever really took an interest in. Towards the end of our relationship, she wouldn't hang out with me much if at all, and she started making excuses as to why. I heard from several people that they had seen her hanging around with her ex, and they had seen his car parked at her house. When I confronted her about it, she admitted to having cheated on me with him, and she then told me it had been going on for 3 months without my knowledge. She tried to blame me for her infidelity, saying that I "didn't pay enough attention to her." I was so hurt, and I felt like I had wasted so much time when I could have spent those two years with someone who really cared about me.
What I learned: I learned not to get too emotionally involved with someone too early on; it will come back to bite you in the ass. Make sure they truly care about you before you invest yourself in them.
Jill, 51
My story: I fell head over heels for a man when I was around 15 or 16, and it lasted about two years. When I was 18, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. Instead of sticking with me and raising our child, he found someone else and left me to care for my baby son by myself. In fact, soon after I had my son, I found out his new girlfriend was pregnant with another child of his. I was heartbroken, but it taught me a lot about love and emotions.
What it taught me: Even when you think you’ve found the one, don’t jump into a relationship. Once you have sex, a strong emotional tie forms that most people aren’t ready for. Take it slow and learn as much about the person as you can, even though you’ve been with someone for a very long time, you might not truly know them.
Graeme, 20
My story: In high school, I dated a girl for nine months. I loved her so much. I thought our relationship was completely fine. She didn't complain about anything or tell me about any issues. Then all of a sudden one day she called me on the phone and broke up with me. Out of no where. She didn't even say why. Even though I wasn't actually surprised, it still hurt and I still missed her.
What I learned: It's OK to be upset, but it's not worth getting hung up over it for too long. The relationship was good at the time, but if a breakup happens, it's definitely not the end of the world. It's okay to look back on the good things, but it shouldn't be something you should let ruin your life.
Alicia, 69
My story: When my current husband and I first got together, we would constantly argue and pull apart. We both had been hurt before, so it was really hard for us to open up. After these many breakups, we realized that nothing was black and white. We had to really try to open up to each other and understand where the other person was coming from for the relationship to work. Once we did that, our relationship was amazing, and our love is still going strong.
What I learned: Always try to solve problems by trying to see where the other person is coming from, and do it without anger. Talk it out. Be patient.
Madeleine, 23
My story: My junior and senior year of college, I was dating a guy at school. We had been together about a year and we were starting to talk graduation and job hunting. When I was having a hard time finding something that I was qualified for, I started to notice him become distant and not as romantic. When I asked him if everything was okay, he proceeded to tell me that he wasn't feeling confident in our relationship and that he didn't think the long distance thing would work out after I graduated. So we came to a mutual agreement that we would break up. A few months later, he had some rough times and being the person I am, I offered my shoulder to him. I was still very much in love with him. But he abused that offer and led me on about the possibility of getting back together. He gave me an ultimatum, I move to Maryland after graduation so I could be closer to him, or it wasn't going to work. That crushed me. He knew I didn't have the money or guarantee of a job there. So I told him it wasn't going to work. I was devastated. He had been my shoulder when I needed and I tried to be his, but what I had to offer, wasn't good enough for him.
What I learned: always stand up for yourself, and be proud of yourself for breaking the ties to an abusive situation.
Emily, 44
My story: I was madly in love with my first love. I packed up my clothes and stereo and moved to a college closer to where he lived. As soon as I got settled in and called to get together, he was no longer interested. I rushed my actions way too soon, and from then on I decided I should be a bit more careful.
What I learned: Let go of things that cause you pain. If someone is toxic for you, you need to just end it. Eventually you will find the one that is right for you, and you will be rewarded with love, balance, and stability.
Lillie, 18
My story: When I was 15 going on 16, I met a boy who was three years older than me through a mutual friend. We grew very close in a very small amount of time, and we started dating. We had a lot in common, and we really understood each other. I cared about him a lot, but when he dropped the "I love you," I said it back without fully thinking. It took me almost six months to realize that I didn't really love him, at least not romantically. He made me happy, he was a really nice guy, and I really cared about him...but I just didn't love him. It wasn't fair to him for me to continue dating him when he thought I loved him, so I ended it. He was so upset. It killed me, and I felt horrible, but I knew it was the best thing for me and for him.
What I learned: "I love you" is not something to rush into; you might end up hurting the person you're saying it to. If you don't love someone, let them go. It might be that the relationship just isn't meant to be, and that's totally okay.
Next time you think you are alone in your experiences, just remember that so many other people have had similar experiences to you. Everyone feels heartbreak at one point or another, it is a common enemy among all people. So even if you think the person sitting next to you on the subway is completely different from you, remember that their heart has been broken too. Show compassion, and know that you can learn from everything.
