I'm just going to start out with the famous.
1. "You're going to use this from here on out!"
Oh please do tell me when I'll use the five stages of mitosis, because I have yet to witness this one. Or what about accounting? "Yes, hang on McDonald's, let me write that price down under my expenses real quick!"
2. "Yes, if it was said in class, it's fair game for the exams."
Wait, you actually teach in class? This is news to me.
3. "Everything I say is important, and you should be writing it down!"
Soooo, although these stories about your wife are much more interesting then which cities Napoleon conquered (whoever that even is), are you really going to test us on these?
4. "I don't give grades, you earn them."
Well you don't exactly give the material that we will be tested on either! That's fine but at least give me what I need to learn!
5. "The exam is in three days and covers chapters one through six."
Like all 475 pages of chapters one through six? In three days? I have never even see half of this stuff!
6. "The use of electronics is forbidden in my classroom."
Okay well, news update guys: we're back in the Flintstone era, apparently.
7. "Everyone normally does poorly on the first exam. It's a learning lesson."
Apparently, by my 52, it wasn't actually a learning lesson because you taught me nothing. But hey! Good news: it's okay if we get failing grades and never get into medical or law schools, because we are all failures together! Ha!
8. "Why are people packing up, I believe class isn't over yet."
Are we really going to learn something so crucial in the last 60 seconds of lecture?
9. "I assume you're reading the textbook on your own."
So you expect me to come to class to listen to you, and then go home and teach myself from the book? What do you even get paid for?
10. "If you miss class don't come to me asking what you missed. It's your responsibility."
Yes, it is my responsibility, hence why I am asking you what you taught! Do you just not remember? Don't worry next time I will just come to class with Ebola since you won't tell me what I missed when I was dying in bed.
