Just when you think you have it all figured out, you don't. The past few years you have spent on campus are a poor representation of how real life actually operates, and this realization will hit you hard once you near the end of your college career. Much like your years in length, the deepest lessons will be embodied over time. This is not to say that every mistake or understanding will take four years to absorb, but can often be encountered in small oversights, process errors, results of projects or experiments, evaluated hours, days or weeks and especially in our failures.
This result may be in due in part to a lack of knowledge, routine human error or poor assumptions. For this reason, we prefer to avoid thinking about these mistakes, or to attribute them to circumstances out of our control. Over my course of experience, I have taken away 10 specific realizations in which I will go into detail.
1. Faking confidence is the first step to real confidence.
Ever hear of the phrase "fake it until you make it"? This is a case in point that is worth more credit than it is given. Faking confidence means acting against your negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. It can be difficult and it will involve some getting used to, but with persistence there will be a peak when confidence becomes a habit, and it will show. That will not only boost your self-esteem, but it will influence the way others see you as well.
Be empowered to be a confident person. Keep on faking confidence until it becomes real for you. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been, and everyone you have ever spoken to, would be different without you. You are not here to fill up space. Your existence has a meaning.
2. Not everyone is going to like you and that's OK.
There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the drama, and the people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad and channel on the good. Remember that not everybody will have the same heart as you. Don't worry, you shouldn't expect them to. Just find those who do. It is nonetheless similar to that of a sunrise; it does not care if it is being watched or not, yet it continues its beauty even if no one bothers to look at it.
Don't lose what is real, chasing behind what only appears to be. This is one of the more challenging lessons to be learned, and often it comes with hurt before healing, but falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living, and one of the most expensive things you could ever do is pay attention to the wrong people.
3. Your friends will appreciate you more if you are honest and upfront.
A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise. We rob people of the opportunity to be there for us when we don't share what we actually think and feel. We also send a message that we're not the type of friends who will really be there for them. While it can be scary to speak what's really on your mind, particularly if you need some guidance and feel vulnerable admitting that you don't have everything figured out, the truth is, no one does. Sometimes we all need to lean on each other, and it works best when there is a sense of willingness, to be honest.
4. You don't have to get out of bed every day.
Sometimes you have to accept defeat. As much as it may "kill" you to waste a day being sick or simply doing nothing, it is a sign of exhaustion and your body telling you it needs a break. Rest is what will make you better and provide you the missing energy you'll require for carrying on throughout the week. If you are taking a sick day from work, actually take it. Be sick. Stay in bed. Whine. Make your mom bring over her homemade chicken noodle soup, or binge-watch Netflix all day. Whatever will make you fully inactive and anxiety-free.
You could go on a day trip, horseback ride, hike, scuba dive, cross off one of the many bucket list activities you wish you could do if you only had more time. But, you've also earned the right to be lazy! If you are honest with yourself, and the thought of getting up is as painful as sitting in your job's weekly status meeting, give yourself the break. Detours are just as beneficial as the work necessitated to get you there. Whether it is an escape from the people in your life, your daily routine, or whatever path you're taking, pay attention to your body and act accordingly.
5. It's OK to cry.
Don't forget you're only human. It's OK to have a meltdown every once in a while. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry as much as you need to, and then refocus your thoughts and continue where you are headed. It is not a sign of weakness; it is simply another emotion in expressing how you feel, like how you laugh when you are happy or you shout when you are mad. Perhaps our lives need to be washed by our tears once in a while so that we can see life with a clearer view again.
In crying, our eyes are forced into blinking, primarily a subconscious act. The eye that blinks is something, though. It is sometimes performed by accident, but what is accidental to our perspective is actually a specifically allowed act. Ever look up at the sky at night? Do the stars not blink as well? They are not always out, much like our deep emotions, but sometimes we need a sign of reassurance such as this in knowing you have a big heart, and that you aren't afraid to let others see it.
6. Ask yourself what have you got to lose when you can't make a decision.
You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything, or it could be nothing. Ever fall down a flight of stairs? Good. You got up again. You rose to that challenge. Ever think you are too old to do something or not good enough because you compared your chapter one to someone else’s chapter 21? Well, I’m here to tell you that there is no elevator to success. You’ll have to take the stairs, but you are also given the same 24 hours in a day as the next person. If you have a goal, go after it. If money is what is holding you back, just think about the success celebrities have found who were once in your shoes.
At age 23, J.K. Rowling was broke, Tina Fey was working at a Y.M.C.A, Oprah had just gotten fired as a television reporter and Walt Disney had declared bankruptcy. But look where they are now. They are proof that you can keep your coins and still receive change. When you keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain. And just like our vision, we cannot see into the future; however, we can see what is in front of us, and you don’t have to see the whole staircase in order to take the first step. The only question to ask yourself now is what are you waiting for?
7. Some people are just bad people, don't try to change them.
Often times, people do not actually change. Unfortunately, we just never noticed who they really are. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people, too. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.
As for others, you can only decide to accept them or walk away. It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. People will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you poorly. Let god or another greater power deal with the things they do, because hate in your heart will consume you, too. So keep the wonderful memories you did have, but find yourself moving on.
8. Ninety-nine percent of problems can be fixed if you speak to the person you have a problem with.
Stop cutting people off with no warning, and learn to communicate and resolve your issues with someone like an adult. In today's society, we value our worth based on comments and inbox messages filled with words that serve no depth. It is "easier" to simply log on and get high off of this false sense of security and appreciation, or lack of, but quit being a child and, at least, have the decency to acknowledge a person without the use of technology. Your voice is a means of communication, too. It is less complicated for a person to hear what you have to say when you spotlight on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes.
When trying to discuss a problem, it's important not to assign blame, which is a common error that occurs online versus speaking in public. Having someone understand your point of view physically is needed to generate a meaningful or, at any rate, lasting resolution. This method gives the opportunity to listen to both sides, maybe emphasize one's position, and furthermore have it conducted in a constructive manner with less future conflict. Don't forget, you are personally responsible for becoming more ethical than the society you grew up in.
9. If you love someone, tell them.
You don't measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while more brief encounters change everything. The heart doesn't wear a watch; it is timeless. It doesn't care how long you know someone. We all know at least one person whom we wanted to tell, who we told ourselves over and over would always be around, and who eventually disappeared from our lives before we got to say how we really felt.
So my advice is to forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous. What is truly ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in him or her. We love people for a million reasons, and it's important that we start making it OK to tell people whom you love for more unconventional reasons that they matter just as much.
10. The first few people you think of when you say "no one cares" are the people who care the most.
Some days will always be harder than others. It doesn't mean you have a bad life, just a normal one. Be patient with yourself. You have won many battles, but the war will take time. You can be 17 or 78 and still make mistakes. Try not to punish yourself too much over them. You will compare yourself to others - everyone does it - but try to remember someone still compares themselves to you, too. Be kinder to the thoughts in your head; you are thinking them for a reason.
There will always be that person whom you gave your whole heart to, and it still wasn't enough for them. But you will always be enough for yourself, and ultimately in the end, that's the person who lives your life. And whether you think there is not a soul out there who cares about your well-being, maybe it is without your knowledge or perhaps you haven't found them yet.
