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10 Funny New Year's Resolutions

Let's be honest, we all try.

Georgia Gay

Jan 03, 2017

North Greenville University

186

ADIC

Each new year brings new resolutions. Everyone compiles a list of how they can change and how to better themselves. Well, according to statistics, only 45% of people actually bother making New Year's resolutions. 38% of people never even bother with the tradition and only 8% of people accomplish their resolutions. Of the resolutions, 47% pertain to self-improvement, 38% are health related and 34% deal with money. The percentage of people who maintain their resolutions in the first week is 75% and those who make it six months is 46%. After being presented with all of this data, it seems rather discouraging. What is the point in even having resolutions? That's for you to answer for yourself. People will still pine for the new year in hopes of change. Below are some funny resolutions that could help you with your list.

1. Worry less

2. Stop procrastinating

3. Drink less caffeine

4. Be more patient

5. Work out

6. Suck less

7. Study more

8. Stop drinking as much

9. Mind your own business

10. Stop using social media often

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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10 Funny New Year's Resolutions

Let's be honest, we all try.

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Syllabus week doesn't exist.

All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!