I love food, but I hate rapists.
There is an immense amount of food that lasts longer than Brock Turner did in jail. Some foods have zero expiration date, can go months before rotting and can be stored in the freezer for an extended life. Brock Turner was not like the Halloween candy you found still edible in April after its stay in your pantry. Brock bailed after three months, and these are some foods that last longer than his jail sentence--Broccoli not included.
1. Canned Beans
Beans in the can--no pun intended.
2. Anything from McDonald's
His stay was like a ride through the drive through.
3. Welch's Grape Jelly
Judge Persky: WELCHER.
4. Velveeta Cheese
And he's nacho cheese.
5. Bologna
...where's the beef?
6. Jello
Spineless like Turner. An amoeba.
7. A Potato
8. Anything from a 7-Eleven
We all know 7 goes into 11 more times than he was in jail. Do the math!
9. Beef Jerky
Tougher than his sentence.
10. Pickles
A barrel or a cell; your choice Turner.
No shelf/cell life.
