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Health and Wellness

10 Foods That Last Longer Than Brock Turner Did In Jail

Broccoli not included.

Cara Zimmerman

Sep 11, 2016

Boston University

10 Foods That Last Longer Than Brock Turner Did In Jail

Cara Zimmerman

I love food, but I hate rapists.

There is an immense amount of food that lasts longer than Brock Turner did in jail. Some foods have zero expiration date, can go months before rotting and can be stored in the freezer for an extended life. Brock Turner was not like the Halloween candy you found still edible in April after its stay in your pantry. Brock bailed after three months, and these are some foods that last longer than his jail sentence--Broccoli not included.

1. Canned Beans

Beans in the can--no pun intended.

2. Anything from McDonald's

His stay was like a ride through the drive through.

3. Welch's Grape Jelly

Judge Persky: WELCHER.

4. Velveeta Cheese

And he's nacho cheese.

5. Bologna

...where's the beef?

6. Jello

Spineless like Turner. An amoeba.

7. A Potato

8. Anything from a 7-Eleven

We all know 7 goes into 11 more times than he was in jail. Do the math!

9. Beef Jerky

Tougher than his sentence.

10. Pickles

A barrel or a cell; your choice Turner.

No shelf/cell life.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Student Life

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Recommended for you

10 Foods That Last Longer Than Brock Turner Did In Jail

Broccoli not included.

1. Canned Beans

2. Anything from McDonald's

3. Welch's Grape Jelly

4. Velveeta Cheese

5. Bologna

6. Jello

7. A Potato

8. Anything from a 7-Eleven

9. Beef Jerky

10. Pickles

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May the odds be ever in your favor.

Phase One: The “I got this” phase

Phase Two: The “I have time” phase

Phase Three: The uncontrollable sobbing phase

Phase Four: The “help me, I've fallen and I can't get up” phase

Phase Five: The rejoicing phase

10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

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