I have many fears that overwhelm me at different times in my life. Fear is no fun. It interferes with living your best life. I know fear has eaten away at me.
I have quite a few regrets over things I never did when I had the chance, and I am only 23. I plan to change how I approach life and to really be present when I make decisions. There are so many experiences still to come mind that I will make part of my memories and part of the narrative I tell my grandchildren someday.
My wish is that others learn from my experiences and poor decisions so they won't have to waste their time.
These 10 fears plague me now, but will soon be part of my history. These fears will never define me or stop me from making my destiny:
1. What others think about me
I know the people who spend their time finding flaws in me and what I do don't matter. But somewhere inside of me, I still crave acceptance into an inner circle and praise for what I am doing well. This fear really drags me down because I missed too many opportunities because I worried about being judged.
2. Being myself
I like to think I am confident in who I am, but I don't always believe myself when I say that I will do what I do no matter the outcome -- including being rejected by others. I am more myself now than ever before, but I still have a long way to go.
3. Being abandoned by my loved ones
Fortunately, I have a strong relationship with my family members. They have always been there for me through everything. Despite their reliability, I still fear they will turn away from me when I need them.
4. Being alone
I have great friends. For me, I prefer the quality over quantity of people around me. There are people I know I spend time with that may not be my friends because it does not work out that way. I can't imagine being alone in love, family, or friendship. I hope I will never know how that feels. Disclaimer: I am open to making new friends if anyone wants to get to know me.
5. Failure
I wrote an entire article about my fear of my failure and how it impacts me today as I try to move forward in my life. I find myself sabotaging things I want to do well. It is unconscious, but my fear of failure does take over from time to time.
6. Not being enough for myself
I am my own worst critic. I dislike that about myself. I find things wrong with myself all the time. Even though I like to joke it away, I draw my attention to the things I feel most dissatisfied with. I have moments of self-loathing like any other woman.
7. Admitting my weaknesses
I am not perfect. Admitting my weaknesses is scary because they can be used as weapons by others. I am a very sensitive person as it is and it really hurts when being vulnerable backfires.
8. Never reaching my dream
I want to be a published author. I am taking steps in that direction, but I fear that no matter how much I try, the book I am working on may never come into existence or live on bookshelves.
9. Being unhappy
I left studying medicine to be an author, which was the best decision I ever made. There are a lot of things I would like to change about my life that I will be working to change because I refuse to let this fear become my reality. I want to be happy.
10. Being an adult
In pursuit of my dreams, I also need to keep it real with myself about how I will be living until my dream comes true. I have nightmares about not being able to afford to live on my own, working a low-income job, not being able to pay rent, or not being able to afford to feed myself. I know I am responsible, but being an adult requires a high level of independence.
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