I lived in Utah, the dating capital of the world, from ages 18-24. Consequently, I went on many dates. For the most part, my dates were very cordial and nice. However, there is an underlying pressure in Utah to not only go on dates and get to know members of the opposite sex but also to get married. This added pressure makes the dating game that much more confusing. I wrote this dating manual to help girls increase their repertoire of dating moves as well as to help boys know if a girl likes them.

1. Open up his car door from the inside:

Chivalry is dead... but I revived it.

When I am on a date with a gentleman, he will open up the car door for me. I love this small act of respect. Why not reciprocate it? After I get in the car and the date is walking around to his door, I quickly open up his door from the inside. This always catches the guy off guard. How many girls have surprise attacked opened his door for him? None. Just yours truly. All of the guys I have done this for love it. It might be because they think it is funny, or it might be because they like the reciprocated chivalry.

* This man catching move is harder than it sounds. You will be tempted to adjust your clothes, put on your seatbelt, or silence your cell phone in the few moments you are in the car by yourself. Don’t. That can wait. You have to be fast in opening up the door for him. It only takes a few seconds for him to walk from your door to his.

2. Sit on the opposite side of the room as him:

Guys want what they can’t have… don’t let them know they can have you.

When I like a guy I sit on the opposite side of the room as him. This works best when there is a group of people. Sit by his roommate. He will be so confused. Randomly sit on the floor. Guys will generally feel bad when a girl they like is sitting on the floor. He will promptly offer you a spot on the couch by him. You wanted to sit by him anyway. The point is that he initiated it, not you.

What do you do if it is just you and him? This one is a bit trickier. I will sit on the opposite side of the room or, at least, the opposite side of the couch. This way I can slowly move closer and closer while we are talking. He will most likely scoot in closer and closer as well. Next thing you know…

3. Incorporate his name into a random song:

I dreamed a dream my life would be… so much less celibate than the one I’m living.

Guys like girls that stand out. Luckily, I have a naturally zany personality. I let this shine by intricately weaving my date’s name into a popular song. The best song I have found for this is, “I dreamed a dream” from Les Miserables. This is a prime song to catch a man because it shows that you are cultured, musically inclined, and creative. It does not matter if you can’t sing. It almost makes it funnier. Guys feel special when I compose a song just for them. It also shows that I do not care what people think about me. I’m so laid back.

4. Tell him he is the strongest:

You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar… and by flies I mean more eligible young bachelors.

The guy you like is going to be more attracted to a sweet girl than a stuck up one. Words of affection are one of the 5 long languages. It might not be your love language, but it is still important. Everybody likes a sincere compliment. The tricky part about this move is that it has to be discrete. It can’t seem like you do this to everyone. You have to act surprised.

Situation:

Date gives girl a hug.

Girl gives a hug back and has her hand brush against his bicep.

Girl, “Oh my gosh! I did not see that coming! You are so strong” (in a surprised voice)

Date makes weird man grunts.

Girl, “I can’t believe I just said that. I am so embarrassed.”

Date reassures girl to not be embarrassed and may say something about how he wasn’t even flexing.

Girl acts bashful.

Date’s self-esteem is elevated and might even offer to flex.

Girl lets out a delighted squeal if date flexes.

You can’t just say, “You are strong.” The superlative is there for a reason. A superlative shows that they have that characteristic to the highest degree. A guy thinks that if he is not the “strongest” to the highest degree then he is not even strong.

5. Don’t kiss a guy until you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend:

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… and lots of other girls too.

This rule has a lot of reasoning behind it. First, the sexiest thing a guy could do is to make me feel like I’m desirable. I feel desirable when they attempt to kiss me multiple times and I reject them. Second, if it does work out, there will be plenty of time for all that fun stuff later, like when we are married. Third, he needs some sort of motivation to date me. Why would he date me when he already gets all the benefits without the commitment? Why would we go to work every day if we got the paycheck whether we went to work or not? Why would I do my homework if I got an automatic ‘A?’ Make him work! Fourth, I respect myself more than that. I don’t want to kiss for mere amusement. I’m not an object. If I don’t want to feel used and abused afterward, I don’t let him treat me like I’m nobody. Fifth, at this point in my life I am dating to marry. A guy wants a girl he can bring home to meet his mom. Nothing says “wife/mother material” more than not being a floozy.

* He might say that he wouldn’t be kissing you unless he really liked you and saw potential. Yes, he might like you. He also might be interested in lots of other girls. Do you want to be one of the many girls he is kissing? He might say that he hasn’t kissed a girl in seven months. This might be true, but that doesn’t mean he wants commitment.

6. Let him teach you something:

Love comes at a price… he has to pay it.

You grow to love people that you serve. This is true for the male species as well. The best way to have a man serve you is to have him teach you something. It can be anything and it comes as no extra work to him. For example, my high school boyfriend taught me how to drive stick-shift, my college boyfriend taught me how to ride a motorized scooter (yes I wore a helmet), and my current boyfriend taught me how to wakeboard. Did I actually have a burning desire to learn any of these things? Nope. Am I fine with laying out and tanning on the boat? Yes. However, guys love sharing with you things that they are passionate about. They feel smart, manly and charitable.

7. Be friends with his friends:

“If you want to be my lover, you gotta’ get with my friends…” It is true for the Spice Girls and it is true for boys.

Bachelors are bachelors for a reason- they are too busy hanging out with their boys. They aren’t going to want to give up their friends. Their friends are important. They were in your date’s life before you were. Don’t complain about them. Don’t ignore them when you are in your date’s apartment. You get the point

8. Car Singing:

Sing as if no one was listening… or like you are trying to impress a really cute girl.

Car singing is not about you. It is about the boy. Every person knows all of the songs to their favorite song. Let them show off by singing along with the radio when you are driving in the car. What else are you going to do? Car singing enables the boy to show you that he is fun and quirky. He wants you to get to know him just as much as he is trying to get to know you. Car singing also gets both they guy and the girl loosened up.

* It is best when the guy chooses his own song. However, if he needs a nudge, choose a funny song that he will know. Examples: “Say my Name” by Destiny’s Child, “Welcome to Miami” by Will Smith, “I Like it when you Call Me Big Papa” by Notorious B.I.G.

9. Be yourself and other clichés:

Time is dime… and I would rather be staring at my blank wall right now.

Like I said before, I am dating to find someone I can spend the rest of eternity with. The problem is that I am a busy woman. I would rather immediately know that we have nothing in common than to sit through countless dates exchanging pleasantries. Thus, it is of the essence to say how you really feel.

Example:

Boy: Do you like basketball?

Me: I only like basketball if I am watching it live. I like watching the dancers and seeing which of their moves I could potentially add to my repertoire. Halftime is my favorite part.

Boy: Caitlin, you are the girl of my dreams. (This last part never actually happened. I have said the above line to multiple courters.)

* I am well aware that I did not include another cliché in this section. “Be yourself” without anything else sounded like I was pontificating.

10. Work on bettering yourself:

Light cleaveth to light…and men can sense desperation.

I would much rather be caught off guard doing what I love when I meet the man of my dreams as opposed to when I am sitting around complaining about being single for life. This way, when my dreamboat asks me to tell him about myself, I can tell him about my pursuits. I can say, “I work full-time as a special education teacher and I love my students.” This sounds better than, “I am X years old and live off my parents.” I can say, “I take ballet classes, practice yoga and go skiing.” This sounds better than, “I go on a preponderance of first dates in hopes of stumbling upon my future eternal companion.” Consequently, I want someone that is bettering himself. I want someone I can grow with. If you want to date a superstar, you have to be a superstar.