If you're one of those drivers who thinks like me while you're driving endless miles for the commute to work/school, you probably think you know all the rules of the road by now. I will admit to being young and foolish and getting into a lot of trouble, but I have never gotten in to an accident after putting 30,000 miles on my Prius in the past year. Collectively, I have created ten groups I can use to categorize most drivers that I share the road with all hours of the day. Keep in mind, I'm in a tiny car and therefore fear for my life in most stressful situations. So these are the drivers that endlessly help me realize I know way more demeaning adjectives than I think I do:

The Fast Lane Coaster

Get out. Just get out. I don't think you understand that you're the reason there's traffic jams in DC. If your left turn is .5 miles away, then you should join the rest of us who are using the lane to pass our slower counterparts. If you're going to go 55 in a 65 with no one in front of you, just know that the rest of us are screaming in fury trying to somehow get past you.

The Mom-Van Supremacist

Now I know it's really important that you need to get where you need to go too, but just please realize I can't be responsible for the passengers you're responsible for when you overlook your huge blind spot, swerve, and kill us all. Can you do us all a favor and go maybe five miles over the speed limit? No? I hope a cop gets you instead of the sports car you've decided is worth racing to merge to the next left lane.

If you are not in fact a mom but are a teenager with the hand-me-down van, my middle finger grows bigger for you as you swerve from lane to lane like no one's life matters.

The Undercover Cop

I'll give you guys props: you guys are getting smart by hiding among us commoners to catch the unsuspecting deviants. I will admit that I laugh and point every time I see an undercover popo because I am in fact a child. It only makes me a little furious though when someone speeds past me going 80 in a 55 and the cop driving behind me doesn't even flinch. Yet when I try to go almost 15 over, I get pulled over.

The Semi-Cautious 18-Wheeler

You know it's against the law to be in the fast lane as a semi, right guys? Stay over there, and we won't have problems.

There's also the fact that I'm in a tiny car and you never see me and almost merge in to me all the time when I'm trying to pass you. It sucks that I'm forced to speed past you so I most definitely won't get crushed. Stay in your lane!

The Trucker with a Performance Exhaust

Have you ever tried to pass a slow moving truck in Virginia and made eye contact with that person driving it? 99% of the time, they smile and speed away, spewing exhaust so that your vents suck it up into my car. That's a nice feeling. Thank you for that.

The Clueless Texter

The car that is swerving from one side of their lane and into another person's lane is mostly likely a texter. I applaud those who are good at texting and driving. Personally, I keep a hanger on my dash that connects to the magnet on my phone so I don't have to hold it. I also use voice texting because my bosses make it mandatory that I respond to their texts minutes after I recieve them (even if I'm driving). If you're my passenger, expect to be my voice.

The Tail-Gaiter

Every state on the East Coast has those people who just want you to speed up to their standard - even when you're trying to pass someone else that's in the right lane that decides to speed up when they realize they're trying to get in front of you. To the driver behind me: when I finally get back in to the slow lane and you speed past and I catch up to you two minutes later, I may in fact f-bomb and wrap my hands around the steering wheel and smile. I've never gotten into an accident so that's on you.

The Sports Car

I totally respect your decision to protect your investment and keep a huge space bubble around you, but I get confused when you suddenly decide to speed up to 80 in a 40. You are a scary undecisive person. Please stay away from me :-)

The Autobahn Wannabe

Willy Wonka knows.

The Driver With Endless Special Interests

You are distracting and I want to get to know you for some reason. Stop that.

Drive safe, everyone! Try not to let the rage getcha.