1. The Athlete
Hey, guy with the tank top who has just finished working out only his upper-body again for the second time this semester, non-consecutively, always saying that you "used to be bigger in high school." I see you, flexing like you just wrestled a grizzly bear. And I see you, man wearing the headband with shooting sleeves on both arms when you’re just playing rec. basketball, acting like you’re about to make the winning buzzer-beater in the last game of a tied NBA Finals every single time you shoot the ball. If you act like this than you might be "The Athlete;" that one guy who may have started on varsity his senior year, even though it’s questionable, and acts like Uncle Rico every single time you bring up sports.
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2. Frat Bro
Hey, Bass Pro Shops wants their shirts back! I’m only joking, guys...sheesh. You know you're looking at a "Frat Bro" when you pass a guy wearing a visor, oakley/costa sunglasses, Sperry's, a bright pair of chubbie's and a good old Magellan shirt. A "Frat Bro" is never alone; there are either many of them, all dressed similarly in a herd, or there are a couple with several sorority girls around. If you are a male and inadvertently make eye contact with one, run. These types of students are rumored to chase you down and recite their entire pledge repeatedly until you too turn into one of them. Rumored; I've never actually seen it happen, but who wants take any chances?
3. #SororityGirl
OMG, GROUP SELFIE! If you see girls pressing their faces together like they have a bunch of magnets in their heads, or girls putting their arms on each other's arms, while pressing their heads together, they're probably in a sorority. Also, if you hear a bunch of squealing girls running towards each other with their hands waving in the air, they too are probably in a sorority.
4. Sweatpants For Days
You know who you are. You are the type of person who truly does not care what people think, or you just woke up and went to class in exactly what you slept in. Either way I applaud you. You do you boo. If you want to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt every day for class then go for it, I won’t judge.
5. Team No Sleep
“Finals week is coming so it’s time to cram!” Or the opposite view, “Finals week is coming, which means school is almost over! That means it’s party time!” If you hold either of these two views you are a member of "Team No Sleep," though each view holds a slightly different significance. Members of "Team No Sleep" are easily distinguishable from other, more managed students. To single them out you only have to look for a few characteristics: baggy eyes, an espresso in their hand and either a smile on their face, from a long night of successful studying, or a sad frown with tears streaming down their cheeks because the realization of what is about to happen to their grades is crashing down on their fragile little reality. Which one are you?
6. Time To Skip Class
Every student has been at this point at least once in his or her college career, don’t worry, it’s okay. Teachers and students alike understand that there will be days where you feel sick, have an emergency, or just need that little bit of extra sleep to get through the day, it happens. You just need to make sure that you don’t make a habit of it because, if you do, it becomes a black hole, which pulls you further and further in with every period you skip, one that most don’t escape until it is too late.
7. That Guy Who Would Rather Cheat Than Study
To put it simply, do not be this student. If you would rather cheat on an exam instead of putting the work in and studying like other students, you do not deserve to be in college. You are robbing from people who deserve the high grade they worked for. Even if you studied hard and still don’t know most of the test answers, don’t cheat, fail the exam, even if it means you fail the class. It will be better for you in the future if you fail the entire class and take it again. You will know the material and be better prepared for a career in your major.
8. The Phantom
"The Phantom" is that one student in your class that you see the beginning of the semester, but disappears a week after class starts, only to be seen again on the day of finals. Not much is known about these types of students, though the thought of them only fills our minds with questions. What happened to them? Where did they go? Why are they here? What do they want from us? We may never know.
9. The Cave Dwellers
A “Cave Dweller” is very similar to “The Phantom.” Cave Dwellers are students who are completely dedicated to their grades and nothing but their grades to the point where they are in constant study mode, only leaving their rooms for class and food. They are called this because, frankly, they might as well be living in a cave because you’ll hardly ever see them.
10. The Super Senior
A super senior is a student who, through their college career, had trouble finding a major that fit them resulting in dozens of extra, unused hours, and a year or two of additional classes required. I am barely a sophomore and I can already related to this. If this is you, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what six or more years of college debt would be like, and I'm not sure I want to. Godspeed, fellow student, you will need it.
