July 28, 2016, will mark the one year anniversary of the most ill-timed seizure on the face of this Earth (probably not actually true, but it sure does seem like it). What was supposed to be a simple, painless flight from New Jersey to Atlanta turned into a horrible plane ride with flight attendants, nurses, and others crawling around me. This past year has been one of change, learning and letting go. It's been one with monumental highs and devastating lows, breakdowns and self-doubt, and it was probably one of my hardest years yet. Looking back on what I've learnt and experienced, I'm so grateful for how this past year turned out, and wouldn't have had it any other way. Here are just a couple of things my seizure has taught me over the past year.
People that meet me for the first time probably realize the same list of things: that girl talks a lot and is insanely loud, and she's extremely independent. I've been independent and fiercely headstrong since the day I was born. It's my trademark quality and has gotten me through a lot in life. Dealing with this seizure meant listening to doctors, parents, and rules. It was frustrating at first to be under the constraint control of my parents, and I felt like I had lost my independent spirit because I was continuously taking orders. Over the past year, I've realized thatlistening to other people doesn't make you less independent of a person. It makes you smart and agreeable for listening to other people and taking their advice. It makes you more likable of a person because you're open (willingly or not willingly) to the suggestions of others.
All my friends tease me for being the mom in the group. I'm just the type of person that loves taking care of people, may it be cooking or hosting them, or being there when they need someone. I'm the person that my friends call when they need something, and I love taking care of the people that are in my life. Having a seizure meant being vulnerable, opening up to people about myself and talking about a topic that I didn't want to talk about. I don't like doctors very much and really hated opening up to doctors that I had talked to for all of 5 minutes. It was this process of opening up to people and being dependent on my friends and family made me realize that being vulnerable and dependent isn't always a bad thing. It was nice at times to be the person that needed something and made me gain a new respect, love, and understanding for the people I have in my life.
Seizures, like most mental issues, can't be detected when you first meet someone. There's no clear detected physical giveaway, and most people were shocked to learn that I had a seizure when I told them. This is probably an old lesson that everyone knows, but it really does bear repeating: people have so much more to them than meets the eye, so treat everyone with love and respect. A lot of the problems in the world today, hate and extremism, racism and discrimination, and so much more can be solved by just treating others with respect.
When I was first going to the neurologist, I was confused on why I had this seizure in the first place. I don't drink, smoke or take drugs, and have no family history of mental illness or seizures. The cause of most seizures is usually never known, and even if you aren't at a high risk of having another seizure, you still have to follow the same protocol. It was frustrating to practically change my life for a small stupid seizure that I didn't even know the cause of in the first place. It was over this first year that I realized that there is so much that you don't have control over, and you have to accept that. How you handle situations like these that test your character, strength, and perseverance is what you have control over.
It's these and so many more lessons that I've learnt over the past year, and I'm so thankful for the wonderful friends and family that have supported me throughout this entire journey. My seizure has made me a better person; and has given me the strength to know I can conquer anything.
