From the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be in the media business. Therefore the people I looked up to as role models were those in the broadcasting business. Dorothy Fuldheim, Doris Burke, Jessica Mendoza, Shannon Spake, Holly Rowe and this list goes on. I chose my future and everything I did in my life, was geared towards that. I chose a college in which I would not only get a great education but have opportunities to cover a big time sports program.
I had the most wonderful college experience. Speaking from a sports standpoint, I was able to witness back-to-back NCAA BCS Championships. I mean, how many people can say that about their college experience? (Technically I’ve seen 3 of the last 5 now.) I had the opportunity to network with some of the coolest people from ESPN, ABC, Fox Sports, CBS Sports etc.
I was able to work for WVUA-the on-campus TV station for 3 years, ESPNU Campus Connection for 3 years, and intern at CBS Affiliate WTOC in Savannah, GA. I gained so much experience and I wouldn’t change one minute of any of it. I was in control. I did all the right things. I took all the right classes, got the right grades, made the right friends, chose the right internships and jobs, and overall made the right decisions. But just because I made all those right decisions didn’t mean I would be the exception.
I worked harder than everyone I knew because I wanted to have no regrets about that. I also tried to not put myself in situations where bad things could happen. However, none of this helped save me from August 22, 2014.
That night I decided I’d be the DD of the group when all my friends and I went out for our back to school reunion if you will. I hadn’t been feeling great and had just got back to Tuscaloosa that afternoon but all my friends were going and it was a great way to start off Senior Year, so I went along. At the end of the night, we all closed down the bar and piled into my Jeep. While others went home with another DD, my roommate and her boyfriend got in the car along with the guy they were trying to set me up with...let's call him Johnny. I however, was not interested in him and made that very clear at the bar.
I drove us all home and after being the “Mom” of the group and getting them all up to the apartment, I decided it was way past my bedtime and that I was done for the night. I told them that their friend Johnny could crash on the couch till he sobered up.
I was over the night. And that’s when the three of them ran out of the apartment down to the pool. As a former lifeguard of 7 years, I went down as well to watch them. They convinced me to get in and only because it was summer in Alabama did I say yes. Johnny was all over me and I kept pushing him off and got out of the pool almost immediately. Still, I didn’t think anything about it.
I walked upstairs and into my room and shut the door. As I was about to lock it as I did every night, the door opened behind me and as I turned around and Johnny was there and threw me on the bed. The next thing I knew my clothes were off and he was inside of me. I was telling him no. He had one hand around my throat, and one over my mouth. I was frozen. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, in my own bedroom.
The next thing I knew was he flipped me over and took me from behind. The pain was unmeasurable and all I could do was cry and say no. He reached over to the lamp on my nightstand and turned it off so it was pitch black and kept going. I kept crying, and he didn’t seem to care. He had my necklace in his hand pulling back to choke me. Once the chain broke he finished inside of me, and immediately passed out. Still, on top of me. In my bed. I didn’t know what to do. Was I dreaming? Was he dangerous? Was that…rape?
I tiptoed into my roommates bedroom and cried and told them what happened. The two were making out on her bed and seemingly ignoring me. I yelled at them that I needed help and was uncontrollably crying. My roommate hung her head off the bed and told me, “You’re okay, it was just bad sex. Go back to sleep with Johnny”.
That’s when I lost it. That’s when I told them I was going to call the police. It wasn’t until then that they got out of bed and got Johnny out of my apartment and drove him home. Immediately I took a shower because I had promised not to call the police. I threw my sheets into the washer and found a blanket to wrap around myself as I watched ESPN and started to text people to see if anyone was awake. It was 4 am…no one was awake, or sober.
For the next 19 days, I went to class, picked up fast food (Taco Bell or Arbys) and went into my room-the scene of the crime, and locked the door until I repeated the pattern the next day. On the 19th day, I finally broke down. After a phone call with my parents, who clearly knew something was wrong, I finally admitted what had happened to me. It was the first time I was able to say it out loud since it happened. That day, I went to the police. 19 days was too late to take a rape kit, but I was able to make a statement and press charges. Unfortunately, I waited too long and there was no evidence to back up my story. There would be a school Title IX investigation but again, the lack of evidence proved that there was no case on my side. This Title IX investigation really angered the Greek Community in which the three of them were involved in. Thats when the paranoia began, and I started to be followed back to the apartment. I felt extremely unsafe.
My parents came down the next day, with my dog, and helped move me out of that room, and into my own place. They helped get me into counseling. They helped to heal me as much as they could. I was completely broken.
After a couple months of counseling, I started to make some progress mentally. There were definite setbacks but between counseling, my parents support and one of my best friends who had been raped at her school just a year before, I was able to make progress.
Now, a little over two years later, I am very happy with where I’m at. How? Because I talk about it. I am a talker as it is, but I don’t believe in holding things inside. Those 19 days where I kept to myself were some of the worst days of my life. Speaking out is what saved my life. What saves lives all over the world. There is no telling where I would be if I held it all inside.
I just recently learned that two more of my other close friends were also sexually assaulted. So in the group of my closest friends… FOUR HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSULTED. FOUR.
The statistic is that one in three women have been sexually assaulted. That means that you know at least 2-3 women who have been sexually assaulted. Let that sink in.
1.In.3.
You may be wondering why I’m writing this. Why now? What good will it do now? Like I said, learning that two of my other friends have been through similar situations and that I know of others who have been going through this. The best reason I can give you is that because speaking out, is key. We as a society tend to blame the victims, where celebrities like Kim Kardashian may or may not have been robbed at gunpoint, yet people think she is lying. (For the record, anyone who lies about being raped is the lowest of lows.) Let me tell you something, admitting that this happened to you is not easy. It’s not something you look forward to telling people. But at the same time, telling your story is liberating. If my story can help others in any way then its worth it. If it brings attention to the rape problem in this country, then even better.
For people to be so ignorant and say there is no Rape Culture in America because it’s been debunked by the media is atrocious. There are people who lie but just because of that, doesn’t mean we can shame those who come out and say that they have been assaulted. In Cleveland, there is the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center (https://www.clevelandrapecrisis.org) who does a great job for anyone who doesn’t know where to begin after something happens. And for those who have not been assaulted or don’t know of someone who has been I implore you to think about what you say. You don’t know who has or has not been assaulted.
Its On Us (itsonus.org) top stop sexual assault. If you visit the website, and take the pledge, you're taking one step to better society. The Its On Us pledge is a pledge to:
1. Recognize that nonconsensual sex is sexual assault
2. Identify situations in which sexual assault may occur.
3. Intervene where sexual consent has not or cannot been given.
4. Create an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.
You don’t know about everyone’s past, and not everyone is as willing to share their story or be as open about it as I am. Rape in America is a very serious issue and if we don’t take the steps to make America better, then more of our women and children, young and old, will endure physical and emotional pain such as what I endured on August 22, 2014.
End The Pandemic. It’s On Us. If You See Something Say Something. Don’t Blame The Victim.
