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Poetry On The Odyssey: Sophie Has Updated Her Status

A poem inspired by the stresses of working in retail.

Sophie Orlando

Jul 18, 2019

Missouri State University

Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

Sophie Has Updated Her Status

-after Todd McKinney's "Todd Has Updated His Status"

Sophie is overwhelmed. Sophie is the only one cashiering

in the store; it's 2 p.m. Sophie is smiling

at the check-out counter. Sophie is counting change

too slowly. Sophie is running on the caffeine of her double-shot

mocha. Sophie is her own enemy. Sophie is

80% done. Sophie is trying to keep her cool

while the line grows longer. Sophie is a failure.

Sophie is pissed off. Sophie is wishing that she

wasn't stressed and annoyed to the

max. Sophie is a bottle rocket waiting to explode,

being set off by a bunch of young boys on

the Fourth of July. Sophie is nervous about getting

reprimanded. Sophie is blinking back her anxious tears.

Sophie is thinking about getting out of here.

Sophie is a girl in chaos. Sophie is pressing

all the wrong buttons. Sophie is thinking this line could

last for years. Sophie is a new employee. Sophie can't handle

everything on her own. Sophie is signing people up for rewards

and tossing receipts in their bags. Sophie is

freaking out inside. Sophie continues smiling

and speaking in a pleasant voice, offering

discounts for customers' waits despite the fact she

doesn't want to. Sophie is breathing;

it's almost closing time. Sophie hears the phone

ringing and screaming at her. Sophie remembers

she has to answer it, and the person on the line is

probably furious, with her luck. Sophie is ready to leave.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Poetry On The Odyssey: Sophie Has Updated Her Status

A poem inspired by the stresses of working in retail.

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Details the INFJ may not have wanted to let you know about.

1. Their moral compass is the strongest bone in their bodies

2. They like getting a mild cold

3. They can only make one new friend at a time

4. They can only be leaders if they're experts on the topic

5. You know what too nice means: Fake

6. Their creativity comes out in strange bouts

7. They like heavily emotional stories

8. They experience a different kind of tired

9. Structure and routine is the name of the game

10. They are sensitive little creatures

11. They love to love

12. Yup, they’re the mom of the friend group

It's a daily struggle to make it on time, but everyone has those days where they just...don't.

1. "Oh, crap..."

2. "Is it worth it?"

3. "Why is this room so cold?"

4. "Does this professor grade attendance?"

5. "Can I wear my pajamas to class?"

6. "Do I have time to brush my teeth?"

6. "Shoot, I didn't finish my homework..."

7. "What's the weather supposed to be today?"

8. "Will the bus be on time?"

9. "How can I enter the room in the least obtrusive way possible?"

10. "WHY didn't anyone leave a seat on the end in case someone came late?!"

11. "Does this professor hate me now?"

12. "I'll be early next class..."

Getting hung up on is my super power.

1. The first call is the hardest

2. Getting hung up on before you say something

3. People don't live forever

4. It's exhausting

5. Getting hung up on the second you say where you're calling from

6. People will say anything to get you off the phone

7. Voicemails are weird

8. No one cleans out their mailbox

9. Pronouncing names correctly can be hard

10. People are mean

11. Some calls make it worth it

Because every other week is a week in hell.

1. It's the only week when you can go out every day and not want to rip your hair out on Sunday realizing how much you actually have to do.

2. There's always something going on, whether it's parties, welcome back socials, or free food events for the most random things.

3. The classes never run the full time...

4. You suddenly have a million friends again after not seeing everyone over break.

5. You have a fresh new meal plan again.

6. You're optimistic about how great you'll do this semester... at least for now.

7. You get a feel for how strict your professors are. How easy is it to text during class? Can I get away with not buying the textbook? Can I nap?

8. Everyone is in the same boat with the incredibly awkward ice breakers.

9. But regardless, you couldn't be more glad to be back.

Being on a first name basis with campus police and administrators.

1. When all your friends are hanging out and having fun and you’re stuck working desk.

2. When your decorations are due by midnight and it’s 11:30 PM and you’re still painting.

3. And the night before your residents all move in you’re running around taping up door tags in your hall.

4. But you know better than anyone that by week two, some wasted stranger is going to rip them down anyway.

5. Then having to change your hallway theme again during midterm week.

6. Roommate conflicts that happen before the semester even starts.

7. When you’re finally getting ready to go to bed and you stumble upon a random incident.

8. The tedious documentation that follows an already overwhelming incident.

9. Parents calling you about an issue with their student, and you’re wondering how they got your phone number in the first place.

10. You need to come up with a fun, educational programming idea, but you know nobody is going to show up without the promise of food.

11. Running into a resident at a bar or a party.

12. You remind yourself on a daily basis that you do not have to snap every time you agree with something someone says.

13. That awkward 3 A.M. encounter when your resident knocks on your door, half naked, asking for a condom.

14. Doing your nightly rounds of the building and trying to figure out where that odor of marijuana is coming from.

15. When the resident who has been documented on three separate occasions has bloodshot eyes tells you they haven’t been smoking tonight.

16. Being on a first-name basis with campus police and administrators.

17. Handling an incident that you thought only happened on TV or in the movies.

18. When you’re halfway through the semester and you see residents who have never left their room before.

19. Fire alarms are absolutely terrifying, but it has nothing to do with the possibility of there being a fire…

20. Training. More training. And continued training.

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