Hey Lu,

I hope that the other side of the Rainbow Bridge is treating you well and that you are off in your own little corner napping the day away on a pillow; I know how much you didn't like to be with other dogs. I also want to apologize for heading to the dark side and getting a cat. It was an easy starter pet because he can care for himself but don't worry, a dog is coming (a cocker of course).

I wanted to thank you for answering my prayers because the more I talk to mom about Penny, the more I see you in her. She has some of the same mannerisms as you, she even graduated to sleeping upstairs now, though she doesn't sleep in view of the stairs like you did.

I want to also thank you for staying as long as you did. I know that it was hard and painful but you made the best of it. I mean, how many people can go around saying that their dog lived to be a couple months shy of 18? I still tell people you made it to 18 because Goddamnit you deserve those extra months.

I still wear that ring that I got with the date you left me on it every single day and the necklace mom got me has only left my neck once and it has been nearly 6 months. I still feel this huge hole in my chest and it hurts to think about you for too long, which I know that you wouldn't want me to feel this way.

It is just hard knowing that when I come home I will see Penny at my feet and not you. I look at you on the mantle all the darn time when I am home and I even still talked to you before Penny came and I had her to talk to in person. You were always the best listener and had the best input.

I was so lost, and still kind of am, with what to do with my food scraps and extra good pieces of food so I have of course disobeyed mom and started feeding them to Penny, Apollo my cat even gets a little if he's lucky.

I am so grateful that you were the dog that I picked out. Picking you out and meeting you for the first time is probably the clearest memory I have from childhood. I remember the teal bone that was in your cage and how you nervous pooped when the man let you out to meet us. I remember giving you a name before you were even mine and how happy and surprised I was when dad came home late and carried you in in that blue crate that now houses my cat.

I loved you like crazy, poo. I am so so lucky to have had you as my dog. I still can't believe that you held on for me. There is no other way to describe it. No coincidence or act of faith or the stars aligning. Mom told you when I was coming home and you literally held on that whole day until you couldn't anymore and I was there at the end.

I know that you waited for me and I can never thank you enough, pay you back for giving me that moment with you, or express how much that means to me. You waited and I know that. You probably don't know this but I had been telling mom since Thanksgiving to call me if something were to go wrong with you or if it looked like the end and boy am I sorry for doubting your strength.

You are my idol because I don't even know how you did it. What you did was 100% the definition of the bond that a girl and her dog has. You are still my best friend, I try to pray/talk to you every now and then just to share updates and whatnot.

I am so grateful that your 17th birthday was the literal bomb. I had no idea that it would be your last and I don't think you did either, I mean you ran around like you were a puppy and arthritis was not an ailment to you up until the last day, but God knew and that is why I think we did all the things that we did that day. I had the time of my life and I think you did too.

There is so much that I want to say and I have no idea how or what to say or do about it. I know that you are up there watching over me, I can feel you sometimes. There was a poem I found on Pinterest after you passed because I looked up sad dead dog things because I wanted to wallow so bad (evidently mom did the same thing), but it was about pennies.

A grandpa told his granddaughter that when she saw a penny on the ground, it was thrown from her dog in heaven because he was thinking of her. You know what happened on my worst days or when I was in a serious slump? A single penny would always fall out of my wallet and I knew it was you.

Today, I was trying out for a dance thing for my sorority and looking like a total idiot but someone said "Hey there's a penny on the floor" and I just knew. That story was why I agreed to name Penny, Penny. It was the story that convinced my parents on it more than just Sam's boyfriend saying she was the color of a penny. I look at her and I see you because you are connected to her.

Being there for you was my one and only wish in my whole life, you could have asked me when I was 9 (I thought dogs only lived a few years or so, so even then I was thinking about 7 years old you passing away), but I would have always wanted to be there for you. You have always been there for me and it was the least I could do.

Dad didn't stay for the whole thing but you and I both know that he couldn't do it. You two had your own little bond and he just couldn't handle it; he couldn't handle his mom's death either. I was determined to hold you the whole damn time. I only let go for the vet to put in your port and she made sure that I wanted to be there for it. I know some people can't, mom and dad didn't stay when Peaches was put down because she was their first baby.

Mom told me I didn't have to be there if I didn't want to but I would be damned if I wasn't going to hold you until they had to take you away. You were the actual first love of my life, no matter how dumb or weird that sounds to other people, but they didn't know the bond that we had. I would give everything I ever had and ever will have just to see you again, but I guess I can settle for seeing you when you pop into my dreams (which I highly appreciate).

I love you, Lucy. I miss you like crazy but I know that you are feeling so much better and you better be waiting for me at the beginning of that bridge when my time comes because you are my first stop.

Love,

Mo