As the mom friend, I've had my fair share of helping my peers overcome their sadness and heartbreaks. Whether it's from a breakup, a loss of a loved one, or a traumatic event, I've given advice for them all.
What I've come to find is that when something upsetting happens, many people are eager to forget about it and want to keep living life the way they were before.
Although this seems like the right way to go about it, there's something crucial that people are missing.
Healing doesn't happen with the flick of a switch. It's almost impossible to go through something heartbreaking and then go on with your life like it never happened.
When people make this mistake, they feel okay for a while. They think that they have truly gotten over their heartbreak and that everything has snapped back to normal.
What they don't realize, is that in a few months, they'll be right back where they started.
They will realize that the trauma is still present, and now it's even harder to overcome it because they've been suppressing their feelings for so long.
This happens because they aren't taking the time to live inside of their heartbreak.
I know this sounds uncomfortable, but hear me out.
After a heartbreak, it's important to feel what you feel and live in the moment.
Instead of moving onto the next thing and immediately distracting yourself from the situation, you have to exist inside of it for a little while.
Cry. Scream. Throw things. Stare at the wall. Eat a whole tub of ice cream. Embrace your feelings and acknowledge that they're there.
Understand that how you feel is okay, and even healthy.
Allow yourself to mourn for a few days or even weeks. But then:
Move on.
You cannot truly heal until you've given yourself time to feel all the emotions related to what happened.
Once you understand your feelings, it will be so much easier to move on for good.
So, the next time someone tells you to "Get over it," remind yourself that it's okay not to at first.
It's okay to acknowledge your feelings before you start the healing process.
In the end, you will be so much happier.
Promised.
