Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “dog” as, “the single greatest creature that God ever created.”* And I can’t argue with that. Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “boy” as, “cute, but flawed.”* So don’t feel bad if you are seemingly the only human in your friend group that isn’t engaged (me), and definitely don’t feel bad if you are the only human in your friend group.

Dogs are better than people (except maybe your mom), and dogs are definitely better than boys. Who needs a relationship when you have a dog (or an animal shelter nearby for you poor souls that don’t have a dog handy)? In case you’re still skeptical, here are 22 reasons why dogs are better than boys:

1) It isn’t weird when they lick you.

2) You don’t mind that their breath stinks.

3) They will never forget your birthday.

4) Every time you walk through the door is the happiest time to them.

5) They will (almost) never talk back.

6) They will always agree with you.

7) They won’t ever cheat on you.

8) They will always forgive you for cheating on them, after an allotted time of grieving of course. You did spend time with another dog after all.

9) They are always on your side and will never say, “Look at it from their perspective.”

10) They will never get tired of looking at you.

11) You don’t have to wear makeup to impress them. They love you even when you’re ugly.

12) You don’t mind at all when they approach you while you’re walking alone.

13) They are so much more fun to cuddle with.

14) They won’t try to make a move when all you want to do is find out who the murderer is on SVU. They are just as curious.

15) They will never tell you to stop singing Taylor Swift.

16) They will always comfort you when you’re crying over something stupid. No questions asked. “How could Evan say that to Lexi about what Connor did that KJ saw and told you about?” they will say.

17) They don’t care if you pee with the door open. In fact, they prefer it.

18) If you steal the blankets, they won’t complain.

19) You can put dogs in socks and they look really cute.

20) They will never pretend they don’t know how to do laundry just so you’ll do it. They aren’t lying. They actually can’t do laundry.

21) When you bake a cake for them, you get to eat it all and feel no shame

22) They don’t lie when they say they are your biggest fan. They 100 percent mean it. That’s why they are wearing the cheerleader uniform and holding pompoms. In case you were confused.