Being alone is new to me. I'm that girl that has always been in a relationship.
As long as I can remember I've had a boyfriend. I swear I came home from Pre-K telling my parents about the new guy in my life. And as I got older, that never changed.
I liked it this way. I mean who actually wants to be alone?
I was pretty sure the answer to that was nobody. Millions of people use Tinder, or other dating sites, every day looking for someone that sparks their interest. I didn't really know a single person that wasn't in a relationship and had absolutely no desire to be in one.
I thought I was the lucky one-- especially once I was in college with a longterm boyfriend. But somewhere along the way things started to change. I realized the last thing I wanted was to continue dating until I got married and never had the chance to be alone again.
You can't find yourself if you've always been with someone else
I'm a firm believer that you can learn a lot about yourself from a relationship. But there is a lot to learn without one too.
If I added up all the days in my life that I've spent single since middle school, I'm guessing it would come out to be about one year. How was I supposed to be confident that I really knew who I was when I've always had a significant other to be with?
Once you are with the same person for a long period of time I feel like we are afraid to really change into the person we want to be, but it's only natural to change as we grow older. Maybe I'll find out I'm just the same as I've always been. Or maybe I'll learn that I morphed my personality to fit those people surrounding me the whole time.
Either way, this isn't going to be figured out without spending time alone.
Being alone doesn't mean being lonely
I was convinced alone means lonely. I was so wrong. I have learned I actually love being alone. I have no problem cooking a meal for myself, going shopping by myself, or watching a romantic comedy on Netflix in an empty bed.
Before, I thought that the time I would normally be spending with my significant other would be filled with me crying about how miserable I was and searching for anything to do. Instead, I have extra time for my family, friends and hobbies. I finally have time to do everything I want to do. Go for a run, read a good book, take a yoga class, it doesn't matter anymore. Anything I decide to do I can do.
I think being able to do things alone is something to take pride in. I've grown to feel bad for those people who constantly need someone to be with them for every little thing. There is such a peaceful and comforting feeling knowing that you are perfectly fine by yourself.
There is beauty in every heartbreak
I'm a strong believer that everyone needs to experience a real heartbreak in their life. The kind of break up that leaves you feeling like a part of yourself has just been ripped apart and destroyed. The kind that leaves you crying not only when you're in bed at night, but in the car, shower, or just about any other place that you wouldn't expect.
Heartbreak is horrible, but it's also beautiful because for some period of time you really never thought life would be the same without someone. You did think you could possibly go on without them and be genuinely happy.
But you did. It's a beautiful thing to remember that part of yourself and see how far you've come.
There is beauty in every aspect of being alone, but the most beautiful part will be down the road when you realize you are perfectly happy being alone – but have found someone that makes you no longer want to be.