Dear C,

I have heard countless times throughout my life that “hate is a strong word.” This is true, and I try not to use it, but how could any word but "hate" be used when it comes to you? You are a force of such malignant nature that the only way one can stand up to you is if they tear themselves down, accepting the possibility that they may never be able to build themselves back up again. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines hate simply as “a very strong feeling of dislike.” I guess this could work . . . but how can I say I hate something that I do not even understand? This is my purpose for writing you. I need answers.

How do you decide? How do you decide who your next victim will be? I am beginning to think that you seek out the most righteous lives and pick your prey from there. What is it about an innocent child, a loving father, or a vibrant grandmother that draws you in? Maybe you know that it takes a special kind of person to deal with you. You are the kind of being only someone with a gallant spirit can dare to face. Is this why you do it? I need to know because I do not understand.

Why do you fight so hard? Why must you push so viciously when you can see that someone is putting everything they have into fighting back? How can you watch a person, who has done you no previous harm, repeatedly fall from the force of your blows? Are you not as amazed as I am at the resilience that your victims demonstrate? What is the satisfaction in seeing someone lose a piece of themselves every time they try to stand up to you? I need to know because I do not understand.

How do you watch as loved ones crumble inside while they wear masks of strength? You took my grandmother from me. You stole my brother’s senior year from him. You forced one of my best friends to ignore pain because it was the only way he could experience normal high school life. I watched helplessly as these things happened. I now know how hard it is to feel like you have no control, that the fate of someone you love most in the world is in the hands of an evil that is capable of anything. I am not alone in this knowledge. There are millions of people out there who watch as their loved ones suffer. Wearing a mask of bravery is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and at times, I wasn’t very good at it. How can you stand there as mothers do not sleep and siblings cry in their beds? I need to know because I don’t understand.

My greatest confusion is over your endgame. Why is it your goal to take someone from this world, to deprive them of a full life? If you told me that you picked the most undeserving people because they could handle the challenge, and that you did this to all of us because it would make us stronger people, I might have a hard time coming to terms with that answer, but it might eventually make sense. It makes no sense to me that your goal here is in no way constructive. I cannot fathom the concept of wanting to rip an innocent person away from their family and their life. Why is this what you want? I need to know because I do not understand.

In the end, I know you will not give me the answers that I seek. In reality, there are no answers. Nothing can explain the evil that you are responsible for, but I do have a final question. How does it feel? How does it feel knowing that we are fighting back, and winning? How does it feel knowing that someday you will not be able to control our lives? We are making progress; studies from this year are showing that survival rates are improving. We are beating you. It might not be tomorrow, or next year, or even in the next hundred years, but we are going to win. You are no longer going to have all the power. I envision a world where there are books written about you, detailed books about a disease that used to be. This vision will be a reality someday; I am sure of it. We are getting answers. Do you understand?

All My Hate (yes, hate is a good word),

A Pissed-Off Loved One