I don't think I am the only one who sometimes has to start a story with "When I used to hang out with So-and-so..." Losing friends is hard; friendships can end in a big fight, or they can end because you just drift apart. The time you had with those used-to-be-best-friends was time well spent. I think that's what makes it the hardest when you realize they're no longer in your life.
After graduating high school, I knew that there were a lot of people I was going to drift apart from, which was scary when I wasn't quite sure at the time who I wanted to keep in my life. Throughout high school, I had many different groups of friends, some people I still talk to, but the majority, I don't. It took me about six months after I graduated to realize that it's OK to cut people out of my life. I have always valued friendships more than just about anything, aside from family. I put my all into them, making it difficult to let them go.
I guess in order to fully explain how I learned that it's OK to lose friends, I have to take you back to my junior year. First semester of junior year was a really rough one for me, medically. I missed a lot of school and was going through a lot of emotional stress after being in and out of the hospital for several months. It was definitely one of the most frustrating and miserable periods of my life, but I could not be more thankful for it.
I had a long-term boyfriend that I was on and off with since my freshman year, and I basically pushed everyone out of my life when I was going through this rough time. My boyfriend was the only one I let stay, which was unfair to him, myself, my family and my friends. I relied on him for just about everything, but when I was finally better when we were going into the second semester, we broke up, leaving me with a feeling of abandonment, This feeling was rooted in my own actions because I pushed everyone else in my life away.
Needless to say, I was heartbroken and alone. I had lost myself, my personality and everything about me because I invested myself so much into him (side note: none of this was his fault). I was forced to start over, which I am grateful for. I had to rebuild my friendships and some of them were only temporary, while others are still my best friends to this day. I had to admit to myself that I was wrong for pushing everyone away and forgive myself before I could begin the rebuilding process with others. Within a few short months, I reconnected with friends I grew up with but were a year older than I am, so I knew they would be graduating, making my senior year difficult. I would have to start connecting more with people from my own class.
This was a challenge for me because I grew up with people that were a year above me in school, allowing me to stick with them all the way up until it was time for them to leave. This is when I began to be more talkative and involved in class with kids my own age. I was always acquaintances or friends with them, but never really close until my senior year. We began to grow closer the summer going into our senior year. All of us wanted to plan the best senior pranks and ultimately have the best year we could, drama-free. We were very successful in that and even went on a few road trips together and pulled off some great pranks. I have no regrets from that year, even though I talk to maybe three people that I hung out with at that time.
So there you have it, I lost about 90 percent of the friends I made in high school once I graduated. That was rough at first to understand, but then I realized it's OK. We had a great senior year, but we went our separate ways in college. Some made new friends, others still hang out, but I don't get the feeling of being "left out" like I thought I would after spending one of the best years of my life with them. I realized that the purpose in those friendships was more to allow me to find myself again so that I could stand on my own two feet after going through the hardest year of my life. I don't mean that these people weren't good enough friends, or anything negative about them. I just believe we grew apart, and that is part of becoming an adult. Some friendships aren't meant to last, but they play a role in making you who you are today, and that is what's important to remember.