It’s 9 p.m. on a Tuesday and you’re in the library doing work. Amidst perusing your favorite social media sites, you stumble onto The Dating Advice Article. Something about the title grabs you and you read it. Before long, you take the bait and follow the related links to more articles about dating. Soon enough, you’ve entered a downward spiral of self-hatred and doubt that is likely to leave you reaching for your favorite men: Ben and Jerry.
We’ve all been there.
These articles tell us how to flirt better, dress better, talk better, be less clingy, kiss better, be better... all to get a guy to like us. Yeah, sure, some of the advice is helpful, like brushing your teeth and taking regular showers. But most of it involves changing your personality to please someone else. How can you possibly expect someone else to like you if you don’t even like yourself?
As I read over the titles of these articles, I’m struck by how ludicrous they sound: “What Hair Color Do Men Prefer?” “Fall 2014 Trends Your Man Wishes You Would Ditch,” “7 Mistakes Single Women Make,” “Doing THIS Will Help You Ace The First Dates.”
The worst part is, none these articles are actually about you. They’re about standards of dating and relationships that someone else has set for you. Instead of focusing on how a guy makes you feel when you’re around him, or how he treats you, they focus on how to get a guy to like you. A successful relationship isn’t one where one person likes the other one. Too often we get sucked into acting a certain way to get a guy to like us, only to realize that isn’t who we are. When you don't know yourself, it's hard to know what you want out of a relationship.
We read these articles because we believe something about us is not good enough to find the man of our dreams, let alone keep him. It’s so easy to fall prey to these lies. A healthy, loving relationship is one where you have the freedom to be yourself, not someone you, or anyone else thinks you should be. Loving yourself and who you are is the best way for you to live a happy and fulfilled life.
Next time you see The Dating Advice Article, instead of reading it pull up your Beyonce playlist and jam out like the queen you are.