Getting a date is hard, but picking a spot for your first date is even worse. This list will make sure that the first date is a winner-winner-chicken-dinner every time.

1. Big Dipper

Few things scream romance like frozen milk. Big Dipper Ice Cream offers delicious specials and treats while boasting a central location, so it doesn’t take long to walk your date home. A favorite of locals and tourists alike, the only time Big Dipper doesn’t have a line is when it is inexplicably open in winter. Keep your eye open for the “No Public Restrooms” sign. This means they don’t want you to pee in public, but behind the building instead.

2. The Roxy

Located just south of Big Dipper, the Roxy takes pride in being a ‘hipster’ theatre. Please notice that it is spelled "theat-RE," and not the correct way, "theat-OR." Featuring independent films in addition to screenings of live theatre, the Roxy guarantees their organic popcorn will make your urine smell funny every time.

3. Caras Park

Caras Park has year-round activities, but the best time to get cultured is approximately 11:43 p.m. This is when the transients charge their phones and the night surfers crawl out from under the rocks. Occasionally someone may try to sell you a drawing of a dog. Initially your date will be impressed with these drawings, but they aren’t hard, it’s just tracing paper and children’s coloring books.

4. Bayern Brewery

Can you say lax ID policy? I can’t, because I’m so sloshed from my three-drink maximum at Bayern Brewery. A tasting room, legally they have to close at 8. This gives you plenty of time to walk your date home and be in bed by 9. During the walk, your buzzed state may prompt you to yell, “Look everyone! I’m on a date with a human woman! Suck it, Jacob’s dad!”

5. Zootown Church

A rad place for non-denominational Christians to pretend life matters, Zootown Church is unbridled in its enthusiasm for using ethically questionable marketing tactics to persuade people to believe in God. Even then, the priests will marry anyone. Even two souls trying to make it through their first date alive.

6. Honeybear Daycare Center

After spending your honeymoon in one of Missoula’s scariest bed and breakfasts, the unwanted blessing that arrives nine months later is going to require some great childcare. From the quietly judging staff to the way the door hits your ass on the way out, something about Honeybear will make you consider putting a diaper on yourself and never leaving.

7. Angela Zielinski PLLC, Attorney at Law

So it’s come to this. A divorce. I wish you hadn’t told Pastor Ken, now there are rumors about us flying all over Zootown Church. Flying like a vulture preying on what’s left of our love. I guess you were lying when your Tinder profile said “Not looking for hookups, lol ;-)” What the hell is the winky face supposed to mean? No, forget it. Don’t try to hug me. It won’t make things better. My god I wish we had signed a prenup.