I’ve heard many a story from the weird cyberspace that is Tinder. I decided to try my hand at it and came across several profiles that clearly missed the point.
1. Ali, 21
Right off the bat, Ali was the first weird profile I came across and eye still don’t know how I feel about her. On the one hand, she is cute, but on the third eye, this photo was her profile photo! This is the pic she felt best describes her personality! To be fair, my profile photo for a while was this:
2. Amelia, 19
What the hell, Amelia? This profile is wrong on two accounts. Not only is there a pile of fleshy garbage kneeling next to her, but there’s also a dead wolf below her. A damn big dead wolf at that. I can’t speak for anyone else, but nothing gets me more aroused than a big ol' piece of decaying fur and meat. Yum.
3. Thao, 26
Listen, I forgive this one because it looks like it could be the poster for the next Olympics in Seoul.
But Thao clearly just Googled “Asian stock photos” and then rounded out her(?) profile with this year’s hottest collection of nameless faces.4. Jamelet, 19
This one started out great but then I read the name. Jamelet. It didn’t really sound all that weird until I realized that Jamlet is the name of a character from a Hamlet slash fiction my buddies and I wrote in high school. Here’s an excerpt:Horatio came out of the kitchen.
“HAMLET!” He yelled. “Why don’t you bust out your DJ equipment and turn things up a notch?”
“No, I can’t,” Hamlet said, in an attempt to be modest.
“Nonsense, Hamlet,” Nelson said. “What’s your DJ name?”
“They called me... JAMLET. But those days are over.”
Hamlet and Nelson looked towards the living room, where Horatio had already set up all of Hamlet’s DJ equipment. “Dude, you’ve got to!” Nelson yelled.
“Yeah, your beats were the freshest,” Horatio added.
“No,” Hamlet said. “Why don’t we head down to The Back Door and hear a real DJ?”
I can’t speak for anyone else, but nothing gets me more aroused than the thought of a girl with the same name as a gay Shakespearean DJ.
5. Katie, 23
I mean… wedding photos? That’s just sad.