This past weekend, the Tulane community once again suffered a staggering loss; 19-year-old sophomore Mary Travis passed away in Leadership Village, taking her own life. Mary Travis was a Tulane student.  She was also a daughter. A sister. A loved one. A friend. I was not in Mary’s sorority, nor did I have the honor of knowing her, but I wish I did. I can see how her absence has affected those around her, and I know she was loved.

I first learned her name when Tulane’s President Fitts sent out a community wide email stating who she was and where she was from. However, some students were already aware of Mary’s passing due to postings and questions on social media, leaving little time for Mary’s family and friends to process what happened and grieve on their own before her identity was revealed. Posts and comments honoring her soon followed, but around the same time, certain questions and statements about the circumstances surrounding her death began being made -- especially on the app Yik Yak -- with some being hurtful and inappropriate.

The Tulane community is still coming to terms with the fact that we lost another student to suicide, the first being sophomore Daniel Rupert on September 3rd. This is not the first semester in memory Tulane has suffered from student deaths. Days before starting my junior year, a friend of mine who lived on my floor freshman year, Ryan Mackenzie, also took his own life. However, it was relatively quiet in the days and weeks afterwards, and I don't believe I would be so far off as to say the difference between Ryan’s death just last year and Mary’s and Daniel’s this semester is due to increased awareness of these deaths by social media. 

When Daniel passed, I did not know what happened, or who the student everyone was talking about was. The family privately asked Tulane not to reveal his name or details of his death. However, in a matter of hours, his fraternity affiliation and, eventually, his name was displayed all over Yik Yak and talked about in hushed tones all over campus. Even though Mary’s family gave permission for President Fitts to reveal their daughter’s name less than twelve hours after she passed, Yik Yak and Facebook was already buzzing about and who it was, making comments and posts about Mary and the private matters surrounding her death.   

Both Mary and Daniel were loved by all who knew them; the tremendous outpouring of love for their friends and Chi Omega and Sigma Phi Epsilon, respectively, is staggering and incredibly heartwarming to see. However, questions and comments about their deaths on social media have also been outpouring. This is my opinion: social media is not the place to talk about these deaths and wonder what happened at all. Everyone needs to understand that families and friends need time to grieve and learn firsthand what happened, not through the grapevine on Yik Yak or Twitter. Out of respect and space for loved ones, social media should not be asking questions or revealing personal information before it is appropriate or permission was given. It is shameful to think that some of Mary and Daniel’s friends learned of their passings by reading it on Yik Yak instead of being told in person by someone. 

I’m not here to condemn social media at all; I have seen touching posts and pictures dedicated to Mary on Facebook and Instagram that have warmed my heart and made me cry. However, I do think people need to be more respectful on social media, think twice before commenting or talking about such personal and private matters, and use it not to condemn or ask questions regarding such matters, but to dedicate photos and honor those who passed. I still keep Daniel’s family and friends in my thoughts, and I shall continue to do so, as well as include Mary’s. Tulane needs to remember that we are a community, we are a family, and we should all stand together during this difficult time. Non sibi sed suis. To close, I would like to dedicate this poem I read to Mary, Daniel and Ryan. I hope you have found peace:

Do not stand at my grave and weep. 

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight. 

I am the soft stars that shine at night. 

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.