Honestly, I feel sorry for them. I’m talking about black women, of course. I wouldn’t switch places with a black woman even if you paid me! What do they do all day besides suck up government benefits and lay around? You always see them fighting and acting crazy on television or shaking their rear ends on social media. I mean, what can they actually do? How many black women actually go to school and finish? How many doctors are black women? How many scientists or politicians are black women? Where are the teachers or police officers that are black women? And you definitely don’t see them working any white collar jobs or jobs that require any brains at all. Can you say “Paper or plastic?” Because they sure can!

I have yet to see anything useful created by a black woman. What useful things have they invented? You would think that they would invent something to take care of that nappy hair! It’s so rough and it sticks out all over the place. I don’t see how they can do anything to it. And when they’re done with that they need to invent a machine that takes care of those huge butts and thick thighs. Everyone is running around screaming “Black is beautiful!” but I just can’t see where. Their noses are flat and wide and some of them have skin as dark as the night! Their lips are just as wide as their attitudes.

If it weren’t for women like Oprah, Beyoncé, and maybe Rosa Parks, they wouldn’t even be on the map. But I don’t worry too much about that, because those black women just got lucky. I mean, come on, there isn’t any real talent or smarts happening there. It just wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t have any successful black women in the world, so we let them have their fun -- but we all know the truth. When I think about it, black women really are at the bottom of the totem pole. Not only are they women, but they are also black. What a double whammy that is. But hey, they didn’t choose to be that way.

Maybe I’m being a bit too hard on them. Some of them are really pretty for black girls. And when taken care of, they can actually do a lot to their hair. It holds any form and can be any style you tell it to be, which I guess can be pretty cool. And twerking can’t be that bad if Miley Cyrus likes to do it. And by that logic, having a big butt, big thighs, and full lips isn’t that bad either. Everyone fawns over Kim Kardashian’s thick thighs and big butt and Kylie Jenner’s full lips, so I suppose it’s okay, right? I mean, Rachel Dolezal did pretend to be black for 30 plus years. How bad can it be?

I can grudgingly admit that they aren’t really all that dumb either. Many black women have invented useful items -- like Patricia Bath, who invented the laser apparatus to perform laser eye surgeries. They do work hard like everyone else does, if not harder. Black women attend and finish college and work jobs that require quite a bit of knowledge and wit. I mean how dumb can black women be if some of them are successful doctors and lawyers? Our First Lady is black, for crying out loud! They are strong and stand up for the things that they believe in, as shown by great black women like Audre Lorde and Angela Davis.

If I wanted to read some excellent prose and poetry I could read the works of Maya Angelou and Nikki Giovanni. If I wanted to hear a good tune I could listen to Billie Holiday or, to be a bit more modern, Beyoncé. They aren’t the only people on television who act insane either. People will do anything for money. I think they just get a lot of heat and more attention because they are black women. But when needed, they will get up and fight for their rights and speak out about injustices done in the world. And there is nothing like a strong black mother. And for the record, black families aren’t the ones who use government aid the most. So, I guess when I really think about it, black women really aren’t bad at all.