Most, if not all, of our relationships have been centered on texting. Unlike our parents’ relationships, or even those three or four years older than us, we are completely accustomed to sitting around in a circle and texting a significant other. Women are confusing enough in person, but texting is even worse. You lose all visual cues and reactions. All you have to go on are words and punctuation. I’m sure you’ve encountered some of these nuances before, so without further ado and here is my Male’s Guide To Texting.
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The “K.” You’ve all see it… and it is so demoralizing. Nothing can destroy a man’s self-confidence faster than seeing a “K” pop up on their iMessage. She is being short with you... On purpose… and you know you messed up, but you don’t know what it is that you did. My mom “K’s” me all the time, and she doesn’t understand how it makes me feel. The only thing that can make a “K” worse is if they add the dreaded… period.
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The period. Guys hate periods. It is the worst possible time for you, and you know there is no good way to recover. You see, the period means closure. It means the end. It means she is done talking to you, and isn’t about to start again anytime soon. You’ll slowly start to realize that all of her sentences have them, and also that no new material is being introduced to the conversation… and you’re screwed. You’re done.
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The ellipses (...). On one hand, placing the three consecutive periods at the end of a statement implies that a response is warranted and she wants you to continue conversing. Also, if used on its own, just as an entire text message, it could mean that she is super sassy, or mad, or… really, anything. It’s hard to win.
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Multiple letters. Girls, if they are feeling friendly, will send a text to a male that often ends in multiple letters. Examples of such would be “heyyyyy,” “what's upppp,” or “hiii.” These texts can have a lot of meanings, but the gist of it is that she likes you and, if it’s about 3 a.m., she probably really likes you. Ending with multiple letters is obvious… and it’s good.
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Passive aggression. You have to get to know your respective female to understand her aggression habits, but some examples you might recognize are, “whatever," "fine," "sure," "okay,” or other short and sassy messages that get the point across very well. You’re in trouble and you should probably take action fast.
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As a male, you have probably texted females. I’m not claiming to be a ladies man, or anything, but I’ve texted one or two and let’s be honest, they all act the same. Don’t even get me started on emojis. For more of my stupid theories, follow me on twitter @DontTreadOnMe93.