The time is here, fellas. As fall slowly changes to winter, an even more unfortunate time of year awaits us. And that, my friends, is Cuffing Season. This is the time of year when girls decide that cuddling, doing cute seasonal things and having an unlimited supply of pumpkin spiced lattés sounds pretty chill. Because of this hormone-induced imbalance, girls begin to want boyfriends more than they have ever in the past.     

For guys looking to settle down, this plays right into your hand. However, for those on the other side of the fence this season can be an uncomfortable and trying time. But believe it or not, there are ways to survive this season without cutting ties with your female counterpart or semi-companion. Below, I list three ways that you can survive the Great Cuffing Season of 2014-2015. There may be some drastic measures on this list, but who’s to say really?  

1. Lockdown Your Closet
As the temperature begins to drop significantly, hoodie thievery becomes more prominent than ever. Typically, I don’t really expect to ever get those clothes back or even see them ever again. But for some reason during these final months of the year, girls use these items as hostages to get you to spend more of your exclusive time with them.

Side bar: My theory on time expenditure is like a pie chart. Guys allot time to four major categories: sports, sleep, bro time, and girls. When you start to spend more and more time with one girl, your “girls” category begins to drastically shrink and a new fifth category, “girlfriend”, appears and begins to feed upon the remaining categories.

Back to reality, making sure that your closet is in check and that you’re paying a moderate attention to your supply of hoodies and sweats, you’re doing pretty well for yourself.

2. Cuddle Yourself
If any attempts are going to be made at your manhood this fall/winter, they’re for sure going to come in the form of “watching a movie and cuddling,” Now I won’t lie, I like a good cuddle sesh just as much as the next guy, but I’ll be the first to say that you must avoid this trap. During this season, no girl wants to “just cuddle.” There’s always some alternative motive behind it, such as swallowing you up and defining the relationship (never do this, guys). To clarify, I’m not saying that you should never splurge in a few cuddling sessions. However, we have to force ourselves to participate in fewer with a persistent chick. You have two options, guys: buy a body pillow and do what you must, or just man up.

3. Hibernate
This is obviously only to be used upon last resort. If you can’t think of any other ways to avoid this situation, consider the hibernation method. Like the majestic bears of the wild, this method calls for you to “go away” for a while. Make yourself less exclusively available for those cutesy events like ice-skating, pumping picking and apple orchards in general. Hibernating is a great way to get back on your studies, make a sick mixtape with your bros and realize that twin beds are considerably more comfortable when only one person sleeps there. After hibernation is complete, you’ll awake sometime around Spring Break ready for whatever life throws at you. 

So there you have it. Cuffing Season is upon us and we have a choice to make, guys. Do you want to fall victim or come out unscathed? I wish I could pull a Morpheus and give you a red or blue pill to choose from, but I only have so many talents, people. Regardless, you have some big choices to make, men, and I have to say is that buying Christmas presents sucks. Brace yourselves; Cuffing Season is coming.     

For more information on my uncanny theory on time and how we spend it, follow me on Twitter @FratYeezus and check out my other articles at www.theodysseyonline.com/purdue.