Here is the scenario: You are out late at the bars after a long night of celebrating the trials and tribulations of the school week, when you get and give the classic late night text to your female friend. Upon response, you slowly exit the venue and say goodbye to your buds with a smile. But as soon as you get outside, you run into an issue -- an overwhelming black hole in the pit of your stomach. It’s the classic college paradox. Do you to satisfy your growling belly or hang out with the girl? I am not one to tell someone what to do, but I am telling you to choose food, and here is why. 

Regret

You might regret your decision to bring this girl back home. There is always a high chance that when you wake up the next morning you will feel some sort of regret. Maybe you had a little too much at Brothers, or you had a fresh pair of beer goggles on, or you made an absolute fool out of yourself. There is always something, regardless of how much you want to admit it.

On the flip side, food regret is not nearly half as bad. Sure, you might not be entirely happy that you ate $12 worth of food at McDonalds or two #3s at Frank's, but I guarantee you will not get a phone call nine months down the road with a life-changing message. Plus, food is not a selfish lover and will always be down for whatever.    

Options 

I’ll give you this: there are thousands of beautiful women on Purdue’s campus. Each and every sorority is full of said girls. You’ll always have options as to what kind of girl you want to shoot for, or strike out on, but I guarantee that you will never have as many options for girls than you will find food options at Chauncey Hill. Quench your craving with Chipotle, Qdoba, or even Taco Bell. Find your American girl doll at Five Guys, Frank's, or AJ’s. However, I’m particular to my cheap trick in FratDonalds. Seriously, how can anyone resist their ice cream? Sometimes you don’t get your choice in women, but you always have your choice in food. Thanks, Obama.    

Your own bed

Do not make me explain this. It is much more comfortable to share your bed with an empty pizza box, or a couple of uneaten soft tacos from T-Bell, than with some booty call you thought would be a good idea to invite over after 2 a.m. Remember what our mothers told us: nothing good happens after 2 a.m.

Don’t get me wrong, guys. I am not saying to choose pizza 100 percent of the time, maybe not even 80 percent. Experience all that you want to with your late night adventures at Purdue, just realize that when the time comes you are going to have to choose between the girl of the night and the meal of a lifetime. The choice is yours and all I ask, men, is that you choose wisely and be safe. Keep doin’ it, Greeks.    

For more life-changing food decisions, follow me on Twitter @FratYeezus and check out my other articles at www.theodysseyonline.com/purdue.