1.  Why would you join that place? You’re not really a “partier”…

Girls: I get to live with all of my best friends, and it’s so much fun. Plus, I get, like, 70 closets to choose from. You know someone has the same size shoe! 

Guys: It’s so much more than just partying. It’s being a part of something bigger than our own self and blah… blah… blah…

2. How much did pledgeship suck?

Girls: I love my big! They always gave me presents and everything. I can’t wait to have a little of my own.

Guys: It was great. It was a lot of work, but I made so many great friends, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever…..

3. So how badly do you get hazed?

We don’t get hazed at all. Hazing is stupid and outdated and ILLEGAL…

4. They tell you to say that don’t they…?

No… seriously. No one ever laid a hand on me. Hazing is not cool anymore.

5. So, now you’re one of those “frat douche bags” right…?

Well, I wasn’t, but you’re annoying me with all these dumb questions and turning me into a monster…

6. Why would you pay for your friends like that?

You get what you pay for… a cardboard box is free, but do you want to live there?

7. Wait, do you know “…..”?

Girls: OMG, she’s like my best friend! She’s so awesome and so nice!

Guys: Yeah I know him… I f*ckin live with him. He drunkenly tried to do a backflip off the porch last week.

8. Can you get me into one of your parties?

Yeah… I’ll see what I can do… I’ll talk to my people. (Hell, no. I’m not putting this annoying kid on there.)

9. So, do you, like, drink every night?

Girls: No, not really, but there’s Margarita Mondays and Tequila Tuesday and Wasted Wednesday and Thirsty Thrusday…

Guys: No, maybe once a week tops. It’s really more than just drinking, I promise. (Get me out of this class, so I can get hammered before my 4:30.)

10. You must not get very good grades then, right?

No, actually we have tons of study files, and there are a ton of older people in my major to help me. (I failed half of my pledge semester.)

11.  So, how much ridiculous stuff have you had to do?

Shut up. Seriously nothing. There’s no hazing

12.  You’re in Sig Ep, right?

No. It’s “Sigma Alpha Epsilon," not “Sigma Phi Epsilon." (Jeez… can anyone freaking read?)

13.  Have you seen Animal House?

No. What’s it about? Is it like Madagascar? I love that movie…

14.  Do you rufie people a lot? Have you ever been rufied?

Girls: That girl is such a b*tch. She just didn’t want to admit she sleeps around.

Guys: Are you serious? Do you believe everything you read? There’s like one chapter in the country that has ever done that out of 5,500. What is wrong with you?

15.  Can you set me up with one of your sisters/brothers?

Girls: OMG. I know the perfect girl for you. I’ll give her your number! (I kind of feel bad for her. I hope he acts kind of civil.)

Guys: Uhh… yeah… sure… I’ll look into it. (She’s not that hot, but I’m sure “….” will go for anything that breathes.)

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