One of my most favorite things is Dove dark chocolate. I always buy the bite-sized squares because I love the cute messages inscribed on the inside of the tinfoil. Every night after dinner when I have one of these squares, I carefully flatten out the foil and place it in a little wooden box on the table by my bed. The Dove messages are quite similar to fortunes though, meaning that some messages get repeated. Usually this just will just annoy me, but when I had the same message three times in one week, I took it as more of a sign rather than an inconvenience.
Wrote out in a dainty font, the message read, "Give them something to talk about.” You see, I have a really hard time opening up to people, mostly because my experiences in doing so haven't ever been the best. Praying is typically one of the only times I do freely express my worries or concerns, but how I interpreted this message, was that it’s time I start being real with myself.
There’s no doubt that feelings are uncomfortable. Think about how many times in just one day you get asked how you are, or how many times you ask how someone else is. Out of those times, how many of them do you think are true and genuine responses? I, for instance, began to notice how whenever people ask me how I am, I automatically reply before actually giving it a decent amount of consideration. I'm always so quick to respond with "good, how're you?," because it's comfortable and neither one of these things require any additional thought or action.
Recently I have begun thinking of different ways I can ask how someone is, but have come to the realization that this is a very challenging thing to do. I've found that the problem doesn't lie within the words you use, but that the problem is that nobody is willing enough to be open and honest about how they're actually feeling.
It's almost like we convince ourselves that everything's all right and that we don't need help. Go on to any social media site and you will find all kind of quotes, tweets, pictures, and videos being posted to illustrate the happiness of those around us. Sure, getting a nice comment from an old friend or a certain number of likes boosts our confidence, but so often the only thing this does is keep us satisfied for a short time until we eventually find that there's still something missing. It's no wonder why so many of us feel misunderstood; because none of us I think truly understands himself or herself.
So why is it that we can't be real about how we're feeling? Is it because we live in a digital age where it's now normal to pretend your life's a lot better than it really is? Is it because we live in a world of judgment, where when you aren't doing OK it's seen as drawing attention to yourself and “throwing a pity party”...or is it because we're afraid that even our closest friends might gossip behind our backs?
I think that all of these things play a role and inhibit us from becoming vulnerable with one another. Because when I imagine a world of honesty, I imagine walls of safety and security being torn down. I imagine being caught off guard by the truth in the words of those around me, and maybe not always knowing how to react. In the tearing down of walls though, I see power. In every case where you aren't being open about your well-being, not only are you lying to your friends and family, you're lying to yourself.
If only we would allow ourselves to get past that stage of uncertainty, we would find that we aren't the only ones that are struggling. We aren’t the only ones who’ve been lied to, cheated, and hurt too many times to count.
The next time you scroll through your newsfeed, you should remember the distinction between being Facebook happy, and being actually happy. And for goodness sake, the next time somebody asks how you are, please — I’m begging you, do not say “good.”