All right, I know I’m not the only out of state person at this school, but in my close group of friends, I’m one of the few, and sometimes people just don’t get that it is hard.

Today isn’t just any other day to be an out of state kid for me, though – today is my best friend’s birthday. Best friend as in “other half since first grade when I first moved to Connecticut”. Best friend as in “I literally don’t know what I would do without her”. As in “inseparable through our SpongeBob (still ongoing), Jonas Brothers, Hunger Games, Friday Night Lights, Vampire Diaries and every other phase”. And even now, the person I go to for everything as far as school, family, friends and relationship advice, because she’s the one person on earth who never has or will judge me, and who knows me one thousand times better than I know myself. She’s sometimes my mom, sometimes my child, but always my best friend, and pretty much my sister.

Now, I’ve had a really good week thus far, a fun weekend past, and not that much upcoming stress from school, yet I still woke up yesterday morning with a pit in my stomach like something was missing. It’s this temporary hole I realized that’s there whenever we’re away from each other for too long. And then I realized, “tomorrow is Annie’s birthday,” and I immediately started crying. It’s almost as if subconsciously, my body knew before my brain really realized, and my body didn’t seem to like the fact that 470 miles is what stood between giving my best friend a hug on her birthday.

As much as I'd like to think that an edible arrangement, or a funny present could make up for my presence, or lack there of (not to toot my own horn), I know it is incomparable. There are those times in your life when just you need certain people and certain comforts, and while I could go on and on about how badly I feel that I am not with her, I think I know that part of it is that I also need her with me. I’m a cancer sign – the crab. When we feel uncomfortable or too vulnerable, we revert to our shells. I’m not someone anyone would categorize as shy, and I don’t feel this often, but on days like these, when I need my best friend and know she needs me, yet the distance between seems tangible, I can certainty feel myself reverting to my shell.

A simple thought, something so seemingly small… not being able to give my friend a hug – these are really the things that make being out of state so hard. Yes, I miss my house, and my puppy (like you wouldn’t believe), but it’s more that I miss those little things. Not being able to be embarrassed in public by my Mom dancing in a store, or not being able to see my Dad’s facial expressions when he gives me advice and I can tell he’s thinking of the most logical way to approach each situation, or not being able to escape in my car to my spot on the beach and turn my phone on airplane mode, and yes, not being able to give my best friend a hug on her birthday – these are the things that make being out of state so hard.