pol·y·am·o·ry

ˌpälēˈamərē/

noun

1. the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

We're all probably thinking the same thing: this is disgusting.

I have to agree with you; what kind of term mixes Greek (poly, meaning many) and Latin (amor, love) roots? If you're going coin something, you might as well be consistent with where each part of the word comes from.

All joking aside, polyamory has always been a hot topic within the dating scene. There are many rumors and myths that surround the practice, and as a polyamorous person, I will do my best to answer some of the most common questions I receive.

So, is it just cheating?

No. Everyone involved within these relationships knows and consents to being in this relationship structure. Communication is incredibly important, and there are never "secret" relationships kept between parties.1

Are you all dating each other? How does that work?

It depends on the people! Some polyamorous relationships have multiple people all involved with each other, and some have one person with multiple partners. It really depends on the parties involved and how comfortable everyone feels.

How is marriage going to work?

Again, that depends on the parties involved. In the United States and many other countries around the world, polyamorous marriage is illegal. This means that multiple people cannot get married to each other and enjoy the benefits of marriage. In this case, some polyamorous couples may choose not to get married at all and simply live together. Others will marry one partner but live together with all of their partners.

Some people are concerned about how polyamorous relationships will impact the marriage structure in the United States, however, there are some people who believe that group marriage could mean a higher standard of living.

So, it's a threesome?

Polyamory isn't inherently sexual! Just like any relationship, it can be based on love, sex, appreciation, or a combination of all three! While a threesome implies a couple is bringing a third person in simply for limited sexual involvement, polyamory involved committed relationships.

Do your partners hate each other? Doesn't someone get jealous?

There's always that conception that if one person has multiple partners, then there's going to be some sort of catfight about who "gets" who. Not only is that completely untrue, it's actually pretty unhealthy.

Are people who share partners forced to like each other? No! Just like you can't force your family to love your partners, I don't think anyone expects everyone to always get along perfectly. In that case, you just need to work and communicate more. Like all relationships, you want to make sure everyone is happy with how things are going.

In my experience, no, I don't get jealous. I trust my partners, which is an important part of all relationships. If you don't, then there's something wrong.

Do you like one partner more than the other?

As a polyamorous person, this question always seems weird to me. My partners aren't ice cream flavors or TV shows. My partners are real people. Would you ask a parent who their favorite child is?

This just doesn't make sense! I'd never be able to do this.

Well, that's fine. Polyamory isn't for everyone. Just don't bash it because you don't feel comfortable with it. Some people find polyamorous relationships to be more fulfilling, and some prefer monogamous relationships.