Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Beyonce and Jay Z. Claire Batten and Clark Howell.
It goes without saying that the lattermost pair makes for quite the celebrity couple on Georgia Tech’s campus. I mean, who else gets over 1,000 likes on their Facebook engagement status? Point made.
I am certain that I am not the only one who has wished to rack one of their brains for a little dating advice. This past week, that yearning became a reality. I had the pleasure of asking Claire a couple of questions that the whole world has been dying to know. I can hear the praises now from all of the single ladies and gents out there. Enjoy!
1) What do you think the most common mistake amongst couples is?
Typically, I see couples over and over again fall for the lie that being with someone else is going to make them more complete or happier. I think we all fall for this at least sometimes, even when we don't realize it in the moment, because everyone is looking to be genuinely loved (whether they disguise that desire or not). It's easy for all of us to jump into a relationship that we know in our gut isn't going to work out just because we are more afraid of being alone.
2) What is the most important thing to make a relationship work?
Hands down, fighting for intimacy! Being ready to selflessly love the other and pursue them the way you want to be pursued. Realizing that you are not always going to have butterflies in your stomach about your significant other, but also realizing that we humans are as fickle as the weather. Secondly, you have to know that the other person is not the center of your universe, and that that person can never complete you. Two broken people do not make a whole couple; two broken people make twice the mess in a relationship. And that's why you have to fight to make things work!
3) How do you make the distinction between issues you "agree to disagree" on and deal breakers?
Wow, this is a tough one! Clark and I both are very set in our ways, so it would be easy to make an argument out of the silliest things. But ultimately, the things that are deal breakers to us are ones that go against our core beliefs/values. So, for example, if Clark thought it was okay to cheat his way through college, because I really value integrity, that would be a deal breaker for me. But, things that may be difficult to work on but aren't deal breakers to us are things like differences in love languages, being an introvert versus an extrovert, etc.
4) How did you know Clark was the one?
It's funny you ask that - sometimes people get worried Clark and I haven't possibly known each other long enough to be engaged (we dated for ten months). But I just laugh and say that I felt certain in ten WEEKS! I knew I wanted to marry Clark for many reasons, but the one I want to emphasize here is the way that he believes in "fighting for intimacy." Clark wants to never stop pursuing me for the rest of his life - he is determined to date me forever, long after our marriage date. And the same goes for me, where I want to respect him, honor him, and pursue him for the rest of my life as well.
The fire is going to go out if you stop putting wood on it; Clark and I are going to struggle relationally if we are not fighting for each other. Also, this is why I don't know how I feel about the whole concept, "The One"...I believe that if two people are willing to fight for a relationship, you could virtually make anyone the one. Two people that seem the most perfect for each other on paper but don't fight for the relationship are going to be less happy than the two most opposite people who are going to fight to make a relationship work.
5) Last piece of advice for us singles that are looking for love.
Start working on developing yourself into the person who you're looking for is looking for. Singleness is an opportunity for so much personal growth and identifying what really matters to you in a significant other. And even more than that, singleness is the best time to really figure out if you are okay without having anyone else by your side. It's easy for someone in a dating relationship to say that don't need anyone when they have someone by their side always. You have to know with certainty that you love yourself before you're going to be able to fully love someone else.
6) So...would you and Clark be interested in starting a matchmaking service?
Haha! Oh goodness, I don't think so. I've heard wonderful stories of couples that have met through a dating service, but I would rather start a service that helps people realize how valued they are without a significant other. Every person on this planet has innate value just by being...and dating someone does not enhance or diminish that!
Claire and Clark, may your happiness together never cease.
Godspeed,
Anna