As I began to write this article, I struggled with the fury that I had targeted at society for perpetuating what the cool girl was on just about every media and social platform we see today. But, I was also furious because my peers and I had fallen into this trap as well. As a woman, I enjoyed stereotypical behaviors that were feminized. I liked doing my hair and makeup on a daily basis and shopping. I even thoroughly enjoyed getting my nails done almost every other week. But, I also passionately enjoyed March Madness, wearing sweatpants and baseball caps in public, and having such a big place in my heart for the outdoors. Although these things were just interests of mine, they were not considered “normal” likes for a girl.

Boys often assumed I was “chill,” and as a result I found myself internalizing these stereotypes and becoming more passive. I tried to never complain or appear to be dramatic in relationships, which in turn left me used up and submissive to what any boy expected of me. The cool girl act left me living in auto pilot and feeling subject to unreasonable standards for behavior that I knew I could never achieve. I look back now and often think why so many other girls are victim to this thought process in their quest to remain "cool." What does cool even mean?

The word cool is a completely arbitrary term. Why, you ask? The fact that the definition of "cool" to one person can be completely different to the next person. But, as a society we have come to epitomize the “cool girl,” as being one of the guys, while simultaneously having hyper-feminized attributes that men consider to be desirable and beautiful. But even beauty comes with rules.

A girl has to be beautiful without makeup on. In the age of, “Sweat pants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on,” every girl desires to just “Wake up like this, flawless.” Spending too much time on her makeup means she is not chill and probably stuck up, right? But if she doesn't wear makeup and isn't up to standard, she should probably throw some mascara on, right? Oh yeah, she also has to have a hot body. But, not too muscular. Leave that to the men in the room. Add on hilarious, down-to-earth, can keep up with sports and able to talk about anything of course. But not bodily functions or the dreaded “F” word (Feminism. There, I said it.)

In reality, the cool girl is not an actual person. Instead, she is an enigma. She stands for an unrealistic and and unachievable standard that all 20-something women should strive for in order to befriend or attract the opposite sex. We all know a "cool" girl, at least by these superficial and stereotypical standards. But is that really who she is? If the cool girl doesn't really exist, what is underneath the term she has dedicated her time to live up to?

The term cool resurfaced in 2013 when Gillian Flynn’s bestselling novel "Gone Girl" caught fire. In the novel, female protagonist Amy chillingly strikes every woman in the heart when she says things like, “Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping,” and, “Somehow maintaining a size two, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.” In the novel, she goes on to state that men actually believe that this type of girl exists. But even further, she puts the blame on women for preparing themselves from the beginning of time to be this perfect girl to please males. I read these lines over and over again and struggled trying to pin point who was really at fault for this cool girl epidemic. On one hand, many women do enjoy watching and playing sports, or enjoying a hearty burger over a salad. But these personality traits are ones that we socialize men to desire because they are not atypical qualities for a girl to have and they give her a cool edge. After all, everything in society in gendered. From the moment you are born, society told your parents blue rooms for baby boys, and pink rooms for baby girls. And there starts the tumbleweed of gender regularities society has created for us. What can we do to change all of this? What can we do to make boys realize that this "cool girl" image is something that they have been conditioned into liking?

Simply put, you were not created in muted colors. We are all intricate compositions. Be whoever you want to be. Being the cool girl lacks substance and real effort. If you want to yell because you are mad, more power to you. Your real emotions, desires, and dislikes all reflect what makes you so amazingly different from others. These attributes are unique to you and for you. They were not meant to be some boxes for a person to check off on their list of things that they deem worthy to like about you. The man you are supposed to be with is not going to want a relationship with someone that is not real. Do not feel the pressure to condense yourself to some unrealistic version of you because the cool girl is not real, but you are.